lot's o' coffee for the mama today.
because my kid woke me up last night.
because he had a nightmare about 'rolly pollies'. "ones that bite. nasty ones. that bite all the way".
so i woke up to screams of "help me! hellllppp me!"
which is what every parent wants to be jolted out of sleep to.
so i dash upstairs. sure to find riley a bloody mess because he fell out of bed.
or maybe trapped between the bed and the wall.
thankfully, such was not the case.
twas a nightmare about rolly pollies. whatever the f those are.
i assured him that he was safe from the rolly pollies (hopefully, since i'm not quite sure what they are. or how to stop their biting)
regardless, he requested my presence at the top of the stairs until he fell back asleep.
i proceeded to descend the stairs after a few minutes (mostly because i'm an awesome mom. partly because i loveeee sleep) only to step on a damn creaky step. foiled!
so that was my night.

and now i need coffee.
and lots of it.
me thinks jesus invented coffee to ward off the devil (aka early morning)


the weight loss saga

as i already mentioned (er..um..yelled) in a previous post..i fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans!
to me that is just awesome. beyond awesome.
but still...it sucks.
because i continue to glare at my disgusting gut. it is getting smaller. but, friends we are not.
don't get me wrong. i'm totally proud of what my body did.
but i'm too young to wear moo moos.
and it's almost summer.
i'm down 8 lbs from 4 weeks ago. yay!
so i had to apologize to jillian michaels.
and onward we go.
(success is motivating, though).
as is still being able to pass for being pregnant if i don't suck it in...

p.s. macie is going to be 6 months old on friday and it makes me soooo sad. and in riley news, he has taken to sleeping with this christmas book that plays silent night. i know when he falls asleep because he stops pressing the button. i dread the day that that thing breaks.



i can button my pre-pregnancy jeans!
woot woot!

thankful on thursday

a few of the blogs i follow do this on a regular basis.
with everything that i have going on, i thought it might be helpful to look at what i have.
so, what am i thankful for on this gorgeous thursday in april?

*the beautiful spring weather. the sun surely helps to put a smile on everyone's face (even mine!)
*my wonderful kids and the opportunity to stay home with them. how else would i get to spend my morning making a "question box" to fill with riley's frequent and complex questions?
*being finished with my bachelors (yay me!), even if i will be going right back in the fall.
*an understanding husband who hasn't run screaming from my craziness.
*lexapro (haha!) and people who can relate

as hard as some days are to get through lately (post to follow on that), i do have so much to be thankful for!

i have a tripod-er

you know. that awkward thing that babies do..in between being a lump and sitting?


well i guess i'll have to show you.

she's been doing it for about a week and a half now.

pretty cute, huh?



ever notice that no matter what you do, someone always has something to say?
take breastfeeding for example. when i put a bottle in macie's mouth, people look at me like i'm giving her poison. really? i tried my hardest to breastfeed. i gave it more than a good shot. and most days i still feel terrible about it. guilty. like i'm not doing my best for her. so i don't need it coming from somewhere else. "oh..you're not nursing?" no. no i'm not. i apparently don't love my kid enough. do me a favor and call child protective services? thanks, you're a dear.
did ysee me crying for weeks everytime i nursed? everytime macie was sprayed in her face with milk? choked the whole feeding because of my massive over-supply? attempt to comfort her as she screamed (and i mean screamed) for every.single.minute that she wasn't sleeping?
so don't even go there.
let me just say that i am not one to keep my mouth shut. sometimes i just glare. sometimes it takes everything in me to not say something immature like "oh...you're not capable of shutting your fat face?"
if i am doing something terrible, call me out on it. next time you see me driving with a carseat on top of my car, tell me that you don't really think that's a great idea.
yet, i have to admit that i am also a culprit. i am not innocent of all judgement. i roll my eyes at the woman swearing at her kids for saying piss. really? maybe if every other word out of your mouth wasn't piss, they wouldn't say it? i scoff at the dad letting his infant suck on a bottle filled with juice. tooth decay much? but i don't know them.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that we don't know anyone else's story. if someone is harming their children, step in. but you don't know why i don't breastfeed. and i don't know why you feed your baby juice. maybe you have your reasons? i know i do.
we need to support each other. there are moms we will never see eye to eye with. everyone has their own parenting style. everyone is entitled to make their own choices. but it would be so much easier if we had people to turn to. maybe those moms that we're judging can relate to us. maybe they feed they baby poison too?


will i ever be on time again?

i think not.
and it irks matt to no end.
while he sits in the car, cursing my sheer existence, i'm sure.
i do try my hardest, really.
but no matter how much time i leave myself, whether i pack the diaper bag the night before or not...i am always late.
i think it's inevitable. i might as well just give in.
because without a doubt, just as we're about to walk out the door, someone has to go potty, or someone projectile vomits over themself and everyone/thing within a 10 foot radius, or someone takes their shoes off (?), or someone needs to eat, or the keys are missing.
one time, i got out of the house on time. then i realized i forgot the kids. so i had to go back anway. and i was late. joking!
for realz tho, i would love to be able to amble my way to my destination.
instead you find me shaking my fist and swearing under my breath at that driver who DARED change lanes. or *gasp* slow down too much for the yellow light because damnit i could have driven a semi through there before the light turned red and now i'm stuck here behind your slow ass.
i'm really pretty high strung (to put it nicely) anyway, so constantly being late adds a whole new level to my insanity.
oh well. such is life, no?


dear target

please stop making ridiculously cute clothes that i cannot fit into.
it's not just the pants. although, there is some improvement needed in that area.
it is also the adorable dresses. that my gigantic boobs make look ridiculous. like my boobs pull the front of the dress halfway up my stomach. i don't like to cry in your store.
so either accomodate or cease production.
thank you.


easter (a little late...)

we had a gorgeous, relaxing easter. perfect for macie's first.

we dyed eggs the day before (i know. we're soooo on top of things). first with riley's (and our)friends across the street. then at home. riley asked matt to call the easter bunny and have him hide eggs out in our backyard.

so riley woke up ready to hunt! he found his basket and some eggs in the house. then we went outside. he apparently likes things to be hiden in obvious places. not patient enough for a challenge. i try not to do too much candy. riley got a science kit in his basket (i'm THAT mom). and the candy i do buy is partially for matt as well. lol.

we got all fancied up and went to church. spent a few hours with my dad's side of the family. it was also a birthday celebration for two of my younger cousins. you know, one of those resurrection of jesus/birthday celebrations.

then we came home and relaxed, while riley came down from his sugar high. we refused to do 3 easter celebrations (my parents are divorced=2, plus matt's parents). hell to pay (more on that later) but it's our family and that's how we want to do it. it's what works for us.

riley has been a pill to put to bed lately (water, potty, water, potty, too warm, potty, missing stuffed animal, potty). but this night was exceptional. he was wayyy overtired. we went through the usual asking and refusing. me clawing at my eyes. the child is as stubborn as i am. now i see how annoying i am. payback? karma? but i digress. so he wanted candy. you know, because he hadn't slipped far enough into the candy-induced coma. the kid could hardly keep his eyes open. but refused to go to bed.

"i want candy"


"i want candy"




it went on for hours. i think. with neither of us backing down. i was in the office across the hall. so he couldn't see me altering between snickering and bashing my head into the desk. i'm pretty sure it ended when he passed out mid-sentence. he didn't even want candy!

i love

gorgeous sunny days

the chance to feel awesome again

rocking macie while she rubs my face and pinches my arm and lets go (over and over) until she falls asleep

the way riley will abruptly stop playing, walk over to me, give me a hug and tell me "mommy. i love you."

how riley hugs macie. with just his hands touching her head.

conversations with riley:
"riley what if you were a crab?"
"but i'm not. i'm a human"
"but what if you HAD to be a crab?"
"well i guess i'd deal with it..."

cozy nights on the couch with the hubby, wine and 'criminal minds'