best word ever. (even when she's crawling after me all over the house whining it)
current vocab: mama, da, and dog
plus attempts at kiss ("ssss") and up ("pu")
currently working on mastering her skills at crawling with toys in her mouth. gosh i have talented children.
speaking of talent: riley was balancing a tub of margarine on his head the other day.
"look at me! i can balance butter on my head! can you sign me up for the circus? when i turn four".
well of course! because it would be silly to sign you up when you're three. four is the minimum age requirement. especially for something as risky as butter-balancing.
the end. i need coffee.


9 months!

gosh. it feels like her 1st birthday is just around the corner *tear*
macie has been busy!
-her first tooth popped through on wednesday. i was surprised because i haven't felt anything underneath her gums. she is quite protective about it. if you so much as move for her mouth, she slaps her hand away.
-she has a sloppy little wave that she started doing to. i have it on video, she still won't do it for matt, though.
-all of a sudden she started clapping. she does it when someone says yay. and especially when she turns on her ball popper toy thingy. it's hilarious.
-she is trying sooo hard to talk. she chases the dog around the house yelling "daw! daw!". and when she's following matt it's "da! da!". she babbles and squeals
-she also gives kisses (aka opens her mouth wide and lunges at your face). i left her with my grandma for a few hours the other day when i had a doctors appointment. when i came back she gave me "kisses" for about 5 minutes straight. love!
-she is so much more mobile, too. she's standing all the time, for a few seconds on her own. she's walking her way around furniture. she loves to push her activity table around. oh, and stairs. she can climb stairs. great.
-we packed the hated swing away. the exersaucer has apparently become a cage.
-macie lovesssss food. anything and everything. sweet potatoes, avocados, squash, peas, green beans, apples, peaches, mango, plums, bananas. we've started more finger foods (beyond the puffs and mum mums). graham crackers are her fav. she would devour an entire box. she also likes pasta, little bits of chicken, cheese, sweet potato pancakes and cheerios. she hates yogurt, though. cries and spits it out. egg yolk isn't a big hit either.
-she drinks four 5-ounce bottles most days still. usually 7,11,3 and 7. she's missed the 7pm bottle a few times.
-she's been quite the daddy's girl when matt gets home.
-she absolutely ADORES riley. he makes her laugh harder than anyone. she follows him around allll day. sometimes he gets a little frustrated, but is really good with her. he watches to make sure she doesn't get anything she shouldn't have. he tells other people what she can't have or can't do.
-she is so much more interested in her toys lately. she's been figuring out how to move and shake them. how to turn them on. she gets so excited when she figures something out.
-naps are getting better. she sleeps between 45 min to 2ish hours at a time. usually she goes down at 9 and 3. sometimes 12 in between. most times she takes her nuk and goes to sleep. if she doesn't want to sleep, her favorite game is throwing as many nuks out of her crib as i put in. then she screams. and screams. part of the bad napping is thanks to riley. he is SO loud. not on purpose, but he has no "inside voice". it's either sleeping or yelling. i find myself constantly reminding him to be quiet because macie is sleeping. he tries hard, but then forgets and yells.
she also went to her first brewers game. she did really well. innings i think. napped, too.
-macie is in 6-12 month clothes.
-macie loves: brewer, riley, mommy and daddy, the camera, remotes, cell phones, food, standing
-macie dislikes: sleeping, yogurt, being "ignored", laying down

and what has riley been up to?
-he took a museum class about the solar system and can tell you about constellations.
-the other day he learned how to open his "child-proof" vitamins. he said he needed vitamins. i told him to bring me the bottle. he brought me an open bottle. nice.
-the things he say amaze me everyday. i don't remember what we were looking at, but he told me "i'm going to go get my other one to compare" hm..ok?
-he's been loving the museum, the zoo and swimming.
-he would stay outside all day and play baseball, soccer and basketball.
-he's finally starting to play by himself more. i love to see him "acting" out scenes with his space sets or fire station.

someday i'll get some pictures up. because my kids are pretty frickin' cute.


me? never.

if you had told me two years ago that i would cloth diaper my next child? well. i would have laughed at you. and thought you were gross.

with riley it was disposables all the way. i knew nothing different. i didn't know anyone who had gone with cloth. my idea of cloth was poop-stained pieces of cloth and plastic pants. yuck yuck and more yuck. but, really, the thought never crossed my mind with riley. actually, there are a lot of things that i didn't do with riley because i didn't know any different (another post, for another day)

macie was in disposables for the first few months. i think it was around 5 months that we (i) bought her first cloth diapers. matt was hesitant at first. but, when it comes down to it, he puts them on just like he would a disposable. if she poops, it usually can be plopped right into the toilet. we also have flushable liners that help. the messes? i deal with those. and they're really no big deal. i do the laundry. usually every other day. cold rinse. hot wash. cold rinse. usually we dry them outside.

when we first started out we did a mixture of disposables and cloth. as my stash got bigger, the disposables were fewer and farther between.

there is a lot that i love about cloth diapering:

  • less waste

  • one less thing on the grocery list

  • soooo much softer on macie's little bum

  • no chemicals, antibiotics, etc on that same little bum

  • oh so many options! pockets, aoi's, side snap, aplix...

  • they could not be any cuter. seriously.


  • um. it might just be a bit of an addiction

  • the initial cost (although i did get some good deals. read: bumgenius 3.0s: 1 free and 2 for $2.50 after purchasing other essentials like spray, doublers and liners)

  • having to "defend" my decision against all the "ew" and "disgusting" comments

so, for my personal future reference (and anyone else's):

here are the diapers we've tried so far:

bumgenius: i really love how trim they are. we have the velcro. a little questionable. it seems to be wearing a little already. plus it never stays on the laundry tabs in the washing machine. we've only had one leak. and that was my fault, leaving her in it too long. macie has some chubby legs, and these never leave marks. my one complaint? they smell. yep. they come out of the wash smelling fresh. but as soon as she pees in them? gross. and not a pee smell. i can't really describe it. i've heard this from some other moms as well. plus they take forever to dry, but that's to be expected, being an aio.

fuzzibunz: had some leak problems at first with these until i adjusted the leg elastic. another good fit. pretty trim as well. these are also super soft. they're also not too tight around the waist.

gdiapers: i don't dislike these quite as much as i used to. i'm not a big fan of how these are made. they're a little thin and lined with plastic. the plastic, combined with the fact that you just lay the insert on top of the plastic, makes it difficult to get a good fit. not sure how comfortable they are, either. these were the first cd's i bought. i liked the fact that you could use a cloth insert or flushable one. these would probably work well under jeans, though.

flip: have yet to have a leak with these. they're one size. they're also nice and trim. my only complaint with these, like the gdiapers, is that the insert isn't very secure just set inside. we also haven't had a lot of luck reusing the cover. poop or pee always seems to get on it and it needs to go in the wash.

kawaii: i bought a few of these on recommendation from someone. they are suuuuppppeeerrr cheap (um 6.99ish). because of the price i was hesitant (are they going to send me a garbage bad to wrap around macie's bottom half?). so far, i am pleasantly surprised. we have one of the pockets, a nighttime diaper, and a minky one. no leaks with any. i am especially happy with the nighttime diaper. it's bulky, but definitely does the job. the fit on all of them seems to be good. a few complaints, though. none of the diapers are very trim. i also wasn't very happy with customer service. i had ordered a cow print and was sent a heart print. i was offered a $5 refund, but still. i don't think i will be ordering anymore. partly because of that, partly because of the bulkiness and mostly because of the $12.95 for shipping.

applecheeks: i love the feel of these. i also like the elastic in the front. i think they're mobile-baby friendly. i got the size 2 because macie would haev been at the tail-end of the size 1. it's a little saggy in the butt, but i'm excited for her to grow into it.

happy heinys: super cute. we have the cow print. love it so far. i like the way the velcro goes all the way across the front. i've heard they're a good brand for chunky thighs, which macie proudly rocks.

i'm in the market for some trim diapers next. i'm a little concerned about jeans and fall clothes once it's no longer summer/diaper and tshirt weather.



what happened to my good napper? she has been replaced with a nap-hating, screaming, hyperventilating creature.
old naps: 9 am-change diaper, lay macie down, give her her nuk, she takes it, rolls over, maybe whines a little, falls asleep.
new naps: 9 am-change diaper (so far, so good), begin to lay macie down, as soon as she feels me begin to tilt her horizontally, all hell breaks loose. lay her down, give her her nuk. she promptly spits it out, glares at me and starts shrieking. it's not a sad cry. it's a "woe is me. how dare you do this to me. i'm not having this shit. get me out of here now. i said now" kind of cry. i leave. and peek through the crack in the blinds on the door. she trashes. stands up. stands at the crib railing, stares at the door and just screams. and screams. and screams some more. eventually she lays back down (or collapses out of sheer exhaustion), locates her nuk through eyes clouded with anger and tears, and goes to sleep.
old naps were way easier. and much more quiet.
i have held my ground, though. giving in to her only makes it worse. if she cries long enough i will go in. as soon as the door handle turns, she stops, looks, and smiles. tricky baby she is. i comfort her. and turn for the door. the screaming wayyyy worse. so i try to avoid that situation.
hopefully this too shall pass.


4th of july weekend

first, i need to start by saying that my not-yet-4-year-old can ride his bike without training wheels as of last week! how cool is that?!? yay riley! i gave him one push and he was off. no looking back. he crashed into a few bushes, but sometimes i still do. he can even start himself now. not even a week later, he is riding like a maniac. sharp turns, quick stops. it's enough to make me look away. the apparent catalyst was his new helmet (with flames) that he was so proud of. as he rode up and down the alley, he looked at me and said "is this a dream?" haha!

moving on: we had a nice holiday weekend. matt is off all week which is AWESOME (no sarcasm), especially since i have been less than stellar lately. friday we went up to his parents' lakehouse (while they were in london without us). we went out on the boat and had planned to spend the night, but the mosquitos were SO bad. they were all over the house. as the day went on, the only got worse. we made a mad dash for the car, but still ended up with 2 dozen or so inside the truck. oh and a broken windshield. courtesy of matt. and his attempt to smack a mosquito. he's either that strong, or the windshield sucked. either way it needs to be fixed asap, since we are currently trying to sell it. (anyone want a 4runner?)
saturday we went to my grandparents for my grandpa's 77th birthday party. fun was had by all. saturday night i got a migraine. woot woot. sunday was the 4th. we went swimming at my aunt and uncle's. then we spent some time at our friend's (with their 5 kids 5 and under!!) and lit off some fireworks. brewer was less than thrilled. needless to say, the kids were exhausted. i'm surprised they lasted as long as they did. monday morning we went to the world's longest parade (seriously..2 hours?!?). oh and it was like 95 degrees. i didn't think i would survive. barely did. the heat and i? not friends. back sweat? not pretty. we thought about going to fireworks, but they started too late and the kids would have been batshitcrazy. so we opted out.
did i mention we're in the process of teaching macie the meaning of the word "no"? an interesting process it is. especially since her favorite pasttimes involve death-traps like lamp cords and dog food. and since she pulls herself up on anything and everything.

i have a ton more to write about (including my novel to matt's mother) and lots of pictures. now all i need to do is find time...



in our house, bedtime goes something like this:
bath. way easier to bathe both at once. except riley can't "swim" as well.
bottle (for macie. except tonight she only wanted an ounce. which turned out to be because matt had just fed her before i got home from work. oops. awesome communication).
books (2 for riley, 1 for macie while rocking).
bed. macie usually grabs her nuk, rolls over and closes her eyes.
riley? not so much. we go up. put on a diaper. feed squish the fish. say prayers. cover up.
then the questions start.
"mom? mom? just testing"
"i need to say goodnight to dad again"
"can we go see the stable where jesus was born? is it knocked down? can you check?"
"tomorrow can we find tigers fighting on the computer?"
"did i have a long day today"
and on.
and on.
and on it goes.
no amount of ignoring (he just yells louder), or deferring until tomorrow (he just keeps talking through my pleas) or answering (there are ALWAYS more questions) work.
he eventually tires. at least he has so far. and i do have to give him credit..he is far more creative than the standard "i have to go to the bathroom" "i need a drink"


playing catch-up

a lot has been going on in this house:

first...macie is crawling! the beginning of the end. she first did it on june 17th (and i was too lazy to write about it). at first she would only crawl for food (puffs a few feet away). now she'll do it for a toy or to get to someone. in just a few days she has really started to get the hang of it. and is quite pleased with herself. oh and we found her standing up in her crib a few mornings ago when she woke up.

we got a puppy. (what? you crazy people. what is wrong with you?). well, to avoid sounding defensive, i will simply say that i love dogs. we want our kids to grow up with dogs. it isn't the "perfect" time. but it never will be. he's 8 weeks old and 8 lbs. riley and macie are entralled.

riley has been enjoying his summer so far. we've been doing some swimming. lots of baseball. he has a new friend that just moved in across the alley. it has been a godsend. they play practically every day. awesome.

yesterday was father's day and i think matt had a nice day. it was a little busy. two get-togethers. but he had a nice day with the kids.

we went to door county with my mom, my brother and the kids last weekend. riley had a blast swimming. the kid is like a fish. traveling with two kids, though? not so much fun. if macie wasn't sleeping in the car, she was screaming. riley was inquiring about the remaining distance as soon as we left our street. great. still a nice time.

that's about all i have time for right now. need to shower and get the kids ready for the day..


sibling rivalry

riley is going to be in for a rude awakening. pretty soon, too.
"mom. i took (insert cool, fun, shiny toy here) away from macie. but i gave her this (insert sharp, unfun, boring, rock-like thing here) instead."
fair enough. take something, trade something.
macie couldn't care less. she doesn't know what's going on.
all is fine and dandy.
until macie knows what's going on.
and doesn't want that rock that riley gave her so he could have the cool thing that has flashing lights and makes noise.
so right now riley's all "i can take something cool away from her. and give her some piece of crap. and i don't get in trouble. sweet"
just wait, little boy.
pretty soon you're going to have to get more creative.
or make some sacrifices.
and it's not going to be pretty.
riley can share. he's actually pretty good at it. usually. sometimes.
but little siblings can be a bitch.
they want everything you have. "you don't want that car? me neither. what, now you do? GIVE IT TO ME"
i can hear the screams of protest already. judging by riley's stellar ability to whine (man, can that kid whine) and macie's scream that would drown out a flock of 10000 seagulls, i think i'm in for it.


7 months

i'm sitting here feeding macie a bottle (because i woke her up to change her. oops) and thinking about our late night feedings that seem so long ago. at the time, i would have given just about anything for macie to sleep through the night. now i kind of miss them. i don't miss being so tired i just wanted to cry. but nighttime is one of the few times macie is cuddly. she doesn't stop from 7am until 7pm. but in the middle of the night she would just snuggle.
now she's 7 months old!
per the precedent i've set:
*6-12 month clothes (usually. but sometimes she wears 3-6. why can't all baby clothes follow the same sizing guidelines??? i'm talkin' to you, carters)
*size 3 diapers
*sleeping from 7 or 8 pm until 4:30 am (at which point daddy has to replace the nuk). then she's up at 6 or 7 to eat and back down until 8. too bad riley doesn't sleep until 8.
*i was planning on writing about my awesome napper who takes 3 or 4 naps a day (an hour or so for each). but she apparently disappeared, only to be replaced with that icky baby who screams in her crib for 45 min ("let me out. let me out. i'm so tired i can't keep my eyes open. but let me out") until i give up and come in ("there you are. it took you longer than it did this morning. what's up with that") and her sneer of accomplishment.
*macie is sooo close to crawling. she gets up on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth, just willing herself forward. then she falls. and screams. or she scoots herself backwards. and screams as she goes.
*still a champ at sitting. she got a compliment on her posture from an er nurse (more on that later) like we work on in at home. "no! why are you slouching! what are you, a 5 month old? back straight!"
*oh, um, she pulls herself up on things. yea, great. like riley's bed rail. or her toy basket. or people. just try and make her sit. or, godforbid, lay down. then you're really asking for it. when riley was a baby, i couldn't wait for him to hit all of his milestones. sit! crawl! walk! talk! now i know what i'm in for. would it be bad for me to start pushing her down? yea, i thought so. i just won't tell anyone about it.
*still trying to get her off of her soy formula. soy. you know. that stuff that was supposed to be better than god himself. and now apparently it has hormones and you shouldn't drink it. that's the stuff. well, macie has other ideas. everytime we try to switch, she's fine for like 3 days. and we're all "ooo. finally. look at this. she's fine". then she farts. and screams. and farts some more. back to the soy. with some breastmilk mixed in.
*da-da-da, ba-ba-ba, du-du-du. just a sampling of the babblings of macie. brilliant, i know. she's not a huge talker, though. when she wants to she does. like when she sees that goofy glo-worm. or when she's mad. she doesn't cry when she's mad that often anymore. just yells at you. when ry was a baby he used to talk and talk and talk. constantly (still does). just like he would laugh. all.the.time. you have to earn macie laughs. they're expensive, apparently. and reserved for family. just like her smiles. "mom. how dare that lady smile at me"
*pretty much loves all food now. squash, sweet potatoes, avocado, pears, apples, peas, green beans, oatmeal, rice cereal. oh and baby mum mum rice rusks. she can hold them herself. and they just dissolve. she shakes when i bring the box out. sooo exciting. don't you dare walk past her with a bottle, though, unless she can have it. you will not hear the end of it.
*growing more enamored with riley by the day. and vice versa. the other day, macie was being particularly unruley and i told riley we were going to have to take her back to the baby store. he was not happy. at all. he told me that, no, she lives here. i gave in and let her stay.
*i have given up on the swing. i figured if it hasn't grown on her yet, i'm probably out of luck. at least i have the memories of riley swinging happily in it to compare to the ones of macie screaming and panting in it. she does like the exersaucer and her jumper. as long as you watch her in them. or anything. she'll sit in her highchair. if you watch her sit. she'll sit on the couch. if you watch her sit. she'll even chew on things. if you watch her chew.
*she has this awesome (not) new arching thing. she does it when she doesn't want to sleep. or be held. or get dressed.
*macie is getting less cuddly by the day. if she doesn't want to be on your lap, you better hope you have a good grip, or are standing above something soft. constant motion.

likes: being watched. at all times. her family (must.find.family. must.know.where.they.are.at.all.times). anything that isn't a toy. food.
dislikes: sleeping. being buckled in anything.


i have a baby who turns blue

and no one can tell me why.
10ish days ago macie's hands and feet started to turn purple all the time. like a bright, obvious purple. weird, i thought. breathing normal. eating normal.
it kept happening. so to the pediatrician we went.
"that's weird. it shouldn't be happening"
she sent us to a pediatric rheumatologist.
cbc-normal (neutrophils a little low, per usual)
great, right?
well, yeah. except it's getting worse.
she has a rash. everywhere.
her hands and feet don't turn purple anymore.
they turn blue. like, really blue.
and so do her lips and around her mouth.
and they stay like that for half an hour or so.
and she's crabby. all.the.time.
she gets up at night. all.the.time. shrieking.


busy busy

we've been pretty busy at our house lately.
for one, i graduated yesterday. yay me! (even though i plan on going right back). matt has been an amazing support and i'm so grateful for that.
riley has been busy with finishing up soccer and school. his soccer "practices" are hilarious. he's actually good, but it's just funny to watch such little kids running around and playing soccer.
sometimes i wonder what goes through that kid's head. we had this conversation the other day:
ry: do you think junkyard dogs live anywhere besides junkyards?
me: i'm not sure
ry: well, where else would they live?
me: i really don't know
ry: well that's the point!
what 3 year old tells you what the point is?
sometimes i'll say something to him, and he'll say "that reminds me!" and go on to tell me what it made him think of. it's like talking to an adult.
macie moo has probably been the busiest.
if she allows me to put her on her tummy, she'll scoot in a circle and backwards sometimes. you see the frustration when she wants something out of her reach and she just wants to go.
she has also decided she likes to stand. she'll stand on the chair, holding on the the armrest. she'll even stand at the little activity table i pulled out of the attic. not for long, of course.
she has also discovered a new favorite activity: blowing raspberries. along with this has come increased "talking". she loves to shout and she's started making consonant sounds like da-da-da and ba-ba-ba. oh and she does this AWESOME new gasping/shrieking noise. it's not scary or anything. she gets a big kick out of it "gotcha mom!"
oh and her hands and feet were purple for like 2 days. i called the pediatrician because they were, like, REALLY purple. so now we have to watch that. i was getting her dressed and thought she had gotten paint on them or something.
like i said, busy busy!


i let my kid watch tv and play with knives

not at the same time, of course.

ok so the second part is a lie.

but not the first. *gasp*

and i'm sure there are people out there who would rather have me condone the first.

but there are days when i need to take a shower. or eat. or have 10 minutes of quiet so that i don't have to lock myself in the basement.

so riley gets to watch tv.

not all day.

and he doesn't sit for more than 45 seconds. so he probably only watches in 45 second intervals anyway. (he gets his attention span from me).

we don't eat junk food in our house.

we don't have the tv on during family time or dinner.

we play board games and read books. a lot.

but sometimes tv is a necessary evil.

because mommy needs to maintain some sanity.

i know mommies that don't allow any tv.

or don't have a tv. (we don't have cable).

riley is a smart kid (yes, i like to toot my own horn. i like to think i have had some part in that).

he is a smart kid who watches tv sometimes.

sometimes, tho, i wonder why they advertise the ab circle pro on kids channels. when my kid shouts from the other room "hey mom. maybe you should get the ab circle pro" i am forced to reevaluate my life. and cry myself to sleep. during the day.


good days and bad days.

i am definitely making progress.

there was no specific day that i woke up and thought "golly...i feel like myself again"

nothing like that.

but if i think about myself 2 months ago, i think of a girl who had no idea what to do. who couldn't help but cry all day. who couldn't bring herself to get out of the house.

these days i have good days and i have bad days.

on my good days i can play candyland. i have patience. lunch is chicken and broccoli. we go to the park. i get the grocery shopping done. i make dinner. i think that i'm fine. i think that i don't need to see a therapist. i'm good!

on my bad days i can hardly do anything. i don't want to get out of bed. i am so exhausted and have NO energy. shopping seems like an impossible task. my children drive me crazy. lunch is a hotdog. dinner is nonexistent. i worry about anything and everything. one little worry turns into two, and turns into many. i can't think straight. i realize that i still have things to work through.

in the beginning all of my days were bad days. slowly i started to have some good days (with the help of meds, of course). the good days are becoming more common, but the bad ones still rear their ugly heads. "we're still here!"

i wish i had control over it. some days matt will apologize. he'll say he's sorry that i'm not happy. that makes me feel worse. i have no control over it. there is nothing anyone is doing, or not doing, that is causing what i am going through. sometimes it hits me out of nowhere. i'll be fine. then i start to worry about something. then something else. it snowballs. i usually can't stop it. nothing anyone says really helps. i need to walk away and try to talk myself out of it. somedays i'm just sad. sad for no reason. everything could be going my way, and it wouldn't matter.

but, like i said, it's getting better. and for that i'm grateful.



the other day, my husband told me (as he often does) "you're frickin' weird". he said it with love, of course.
so i got to thinking about it. and i really can't argue about him.
i have several...i'll call them..quirks
  • i can't drink water at night. it makes me sick. for whatever reason, if i wake up at night and have some water, it seems to have a syrup-y consistency. then i want to vomit.
  • when i'm upset..don't touch me. i'm sure there are other people out there like this. my hubby thinks it's weird. i cry. i stomp. i want him to say nice things. but i don't want to be touched. and i complain and get upset about the nice things he says.
  • i cannot relax. not even if my life depended on it.
  • i check the stove and doors every night before i go to bed. three times.
  • i am creepily picky about hotels. i have, on several occasions, made matt leave hotels because i was creeped out by the room.
  • i also make him leave restaurants if i don't get a good vibe. even if we've already been seated. and ordered drinks.
  • i usually have to sleep with one leg out of the covers.
  • i frequently rearrange the furniture in our house. like a lot.
  • everything makes me nauseous. one time, i told matt he needed to stop talking, like now, because i was going to vomit if he didn't.
  • sometimes i will re-read an entire page in a book, newspaper, etc because i "feel" like i missed something.
  • i am terrified of centipedes. i once saw one scurry under our dryer and watched to make sure it didn't come out until matt came home. then i made him move the dryer and kill it.
  • i will fight about anything. anything. if i think i'm right (and well..i always am), i will fight you about it.
  • i remember everything. sometimes based off of where i was sitting, what i was eating, or what i was wearing.
  • sometimes i go to target 3 times in one day. oops.
  • taking a bite out of a hard boiled egg without slicing it completely grosses me out.

weirded out yet? i'm sure there are more.


6 months old!

i have a 6 month old baby.
i can't believe how fast it has gone, just like it did with riley.
sometimes it's hard to remember how little she was when we first brought her home. the way she would curl up on your chest and sleep. the way she loveeeeddd to be swaddled. her tiny little squeak cry.
now i have baby gigantor. macie actually turned 6 months old last friday, on the 30th. but we just had her 6 month doctor visit yesterday.
  • macie is an awesome sitter. she sits straight up, unassisted for pretty much as long as we leave her be.
  • she still loves to talk. you can see that she's trying to imitate sounds and the way you move your mouth now.
  • she loves her exersaucer. she can spin the seat around to get to all of the toys.sophie the giraffe is another favorite. you know, biting its head and choking it.
  • the hatred of the swing continues.
  • she tolerates the bouncy seat (we now have 3 different ones.
  • she likes her playmat, but she'd much rather be upright.
  • tummy time is still the bane of her existence. the pediatrician said she might not have much of an interest in crawling. when she does roll to her tummy, she pushes up and tries to "swim" with her legs. she looses interest within 3.5 seconds and either rolls back or screams until someone comes to get her.
  • despite this hatred of all things to do with being on her tummy, that is now the way she sleeps. since about 3 weeks ago, as soon as you put her in her crib, she grabs her nuk and rolls to her tummy. go figure. hence the new breathable bumpers that adorn her crib.
  • we had to make the switch to a "big girl" carseat. our lovely (and expensive) britax boulevard has made its appearance. in her infant seat, she would always try to sit upright. one time i went to get her out and found her with her head stuck between the head support and the window. enter new carseat. she is quite pleased with her new arrangements. though she will still thrash when you try to contain her with those darn straps sometimes.
  • it continues that as long as someone is looking at her, she is fine. she'll do her own thing, as long as she can see someone. dare to walk out of the room? you'll pay.
  • she will watch riley for hours on end. she thinks he is hilarious.
  • stranger danger has started to creep in. she'll still go to others, but she has to make sure she can see me.
  • still in size 2 diapers (and some cloth. with more on the way. yay!)
  • some clothes are still 3-6. mostly 6-12 because of the length.
  • hand to mouth coordination is excellent. she holds her bottle when she feels like it.
  • feet remain the greatest thing EVER.
  • she loves walks in her stroller. as long as she can sit up. duh.
  • a few times she has stood on the chair, holding on to the armrest.
  • solids are going much better. squash, sweet potatoes and carrots are her favorites. peas are also a go-to. i gave up on apples after a few tries. i'll have to revisit them. she does like bananas. i finally reintroduced rice cereal yesterday with some pears. that actually went fine. there must have been something about the texture that she had to get used to. i've been making all of her food.
  • apparently she is taking too many bottles. she was going 5-6 ounces every 3-4 hours. i guess she's only supposed to have 20-24 ounces per day. oops. we were also instructed to try to up her solids intake to twice a day instead of once, now that she's more receptive (and less repulsed).
  • macie is still getting some pumped breast milk from my 'stash'
  • we gave her a cup with water yesterday for the first time. surprisingly no choking.
  • she loves her baths, diaper changes, watching everyone, reading books
  • she hates getting dressed, being alone
  • at the doctor she was 16lbs 3 ounces (between 50th and 75th %) and 26 1/2 inches long (between 75th and 90th %). no problems growing here.
  • still no teeth, but i think they're coming. the gnawing is getting fierce.
  • she takes usually 3 naps per day. she finally is able to put herself to sleep (after much eye gauging on my part, and many looonnnggg weeks). she goes to bed about 7 pm. we usually wake her up at 10 or 11 and feed her one more time. then she'll sleep til about 7 or 730. praise the lord.



lot's o' coffee for the mama today.
because my kid woke me up last night.
because he had a nightmare about 'rolly pollies'. "ones that bite. nasty ones. that bite all the way".
so i woke up to screams of "help me! hellllppp me!"
which is what every parent wants to be jolted out of sleep to.
so i dash upstairs. sure to find riley a bloody mess because he fell out of bed.
or maybe trapped between the bed and the wall.
thankfully, such was not the case.
twas a nightmare about rolly pollies. whatever the f those are.
i assured him that he was safe from the rolly pollies (hopefully, since i'm not quite sure what they are. or how to stop their biting)
regardless, he requested my presence at the top of the stairs until he fell back asleep.
i proceeded to descend the stairs after a few minutes (mostly because i'm an awesome mom. partly because i loveeee sleep) only to step on a damn creaky step. foiled!
so that was my night.

and now i need coffee.
and lots of it.
me thinks jesus invented coffee to ward off the devil (aka early morning)


the weight loss saga

as i already mentioned (er..um..yelled) in a previous post..i fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans!
to me that is just awesome. beyond awesome.
but still...it sucks.
because i continue to glare at my disgusting gut. it is getting smaller. but, friends we are not.
don't get me wrong. i'm totally proud of what my body did.
but i'm too young to wear moo moos.
and it's almost summer.
i'm down 8 lbs from 4 weeks ago. yay!
so i had to apologize to jillian michaels.
and onward we go.
(success is motivating, though).
as is still being able to pass for being pregnant if i don't suck it in...

p.s. macie is going to be 6 months old on friday and it makes me soooo sad. and in riley news, he has taken to sleeping with this christmas book that plays silent night. i know when he falls asleep because he stops pressing the button. i dread the day that that thing breaks.



i can button my pre-pregnancy jeans!
woot woot!

thankful on thursday

a few of the blogs i follow do this on a regular basis.
with everything that i have going on, i thought it might be helpful to look at what i have.
so, what am i thankful for on this gorgeous thursday in april?

*the beautiful spring weather. the sun surely helps to put a smile on everyone's face (even mine!)
*my wonderful kids and the opportunity to stay home with them. how else would i get to spend my morning making a "question box" to fill with riley's frequent and complex questions?
*being finished with my bachelors (yay me!), even if i will be going right back in the fall.
*an understanding husband who hasn't run screaming from my craziness.
*lexapro (haha!) and people who can relate

as hard as some days are to get through lately (post to follow on that), i do have so much to be thankful for!

i have a tripod-er

you know. that awkward thing that babies do..in between being a lump and sitting?


well i guess i'll have to show you.

she's been doing it for about a week and a half now.

pretty cute, huh?



ever notice that no matter what you do, someone always has something to say?
take breastfeeding for example. when i put a bottle in macie's mouth, people look at me like i'm giving her poison. really? i tried my hardest to breastfeed. i gave it more than a good shot. and most days i still feel terrible about it. guilty. like i'm not doing my best for her. so i don't need it coming from somewhere else. "oh..you're not nursing?" no. no i'm not. i apparently don't love my kid enough. do me a favor and call child protective services? thanks, you're a dear.
did ysee me crying for weeks everytime i nursed? everytime macie was sprayed in her face with milk? choked the whole feeding because of my massive over-supply? attempt to comfort her as she screamed (and i mean screamed) for every.single.minute that she wasn't sleeping?
so don't even go there.
let me just say that i am not one to keep my mouth shut. sometimes i just glare. sometimes it takes everything in me to not say something immature like "oh...you're not capable of shutting your fat face?"
if i am doing something terrible, call me out on it. next time you see me driving with a carseat on top of my car, tell me that you don't really think that's a great idea.
yet, i have to admit that i am also a culprit. i am not innocent of all judgement. i roll my eyes at the woman swearing at her kids for saying piss. really? maybe if every other word out of your mouth wasn't piss, they wouldn't say it? i scoff at the dad letting his infant suck on a bottle filled with juice. tooth decay much? but i don't know them.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that we don't know anyone else's story. if someone is harming their children, step in. but you don't know why i don't breastfeed. and i don't know why you feed your baby juice. maybe you have your reasons? i know i do.
we need to support each other. there are moms we will never see eye to eye with. everyone has their own parenting style. everyone is entitled to make their own choices. but it would be so much easier if we had people to turn to. maybe those moms that we're judging can relate to us. maybe they feed they baby poison too?


will i ever be on time again?

i think not.
and it irks matt to no end.
while he sits in the car, cursing my sheer existence, i'm sure.
i do try my hardest, really.
but no matter how much time i leave myself, whether i pack the diaper bag the night before or not...i am always late.
i think it's inevitable. i might as well just give in.
because without a doubt, just as we're about to walk out the door, someone has to go potty, or someone projectile vomits over themself and everyone/thing within a 10 foot radius, or someone takes their shoes off (?), or someone needs to eat, or the keys are missing.
one time, i got out of the house on time. then i realized i forgot the kids. so i had to go back anway. and i was late. joking!
for realz tho, i would love to be able to amble my way to my destination.
instead you find me shaking my fist and swearing under my breath at that driver who DARED change lanes. or *gasp* slow down too much for the yellow light because damnit i could have driven a semi through there before the light turned red and now i'm stuck here behind your slow ass.
i'm really pretty high strung (to put it nicely) anyway, so constantly being late adds a whole new level to my insanity.
oh well. such is life, no?


dear target

please stop making ridiculously cute clothes that i cannot fit into.
it's not just the pants. although, there is some improvement needed in that area.
it is also the adorable dresses. that my gigantic boobs make look ridiculous. like my boobs pull the front of the dress halfway up my stomach. i don't like to cry in your store.
so either accomodate or cease production.
thank you.


easter (a little late...)

we had a gorgeous, relaxing easter. perfect for macie's first.

we dyed eggs the day before (i know. we're soooo on top of things). first with riley's (and our)friends across the street. then at home. riley asked matt to call the easter bunny and have him hide eggs out in our backyard.

so riley woke up ready to hunt! he found his basket and some eggs in the house. then we went outside. he apparently likes things to be hiden in obvious places. not patient enough for a challenge. i try not to do too much candy. riley got a science kit in his basket (i'm THAT mom). and the candy i do buy is partially for matt as well. lol.

we got all fancied up and went to church. spent a few hours with my dad's side of the family. it was also a birthday celebration for two of my younger cousins. you know, one of those resurrection of jesus/birthday celebrations.

then we came home and relaxed, while riley came down from his sugar high. we refused to do 3 easter celebrations (my parents are divorced=2, plus matt's parents). hell to pay (more on that later) but it's our family and that's how we want to do it. it's what works for us.

riley has been a pill to put to bed lately (water, potty, water, potty, too warm, potty, missing stuffed animal, potty). but this night was exceptional. he was wayyy overtired. we went through the usual asking and refusing. me clawing at my eyes. the child is as stubborn as i am. now i see how annoying i am. payback? karma? but i digress. so he wanted candy. you know, because he hadn't slipped far enough into the candy-induced coma. the kid could hardly keep his eyes open. but refused to go to bed.

"i want candy"


"i want candy"




it went on for hours. i think. with neither of us backing down. i was in the office across the hall. so he couldn't see me altering between snickering and bashing my head into the desk. i'm pretty sure it ended when he passed out mid-sentence. he didn't even want candy!

i love

gorgeous sunny days

the chance to feel awesome again

rocking macie while she rubs my face and pinches my arm and lets go (over and over) until she falls asleep

the way riley will abruptly stop playing, walk over to me, give me a hug and tell me "mommy. i love you."

how riley hugs macie. with just his hands touching her head.

conversations with riley:
"riley what if you were a crab?"
"but i'm not. i'm a human"
"but what if you HAD to be a crab?"
"well i guess i'd deal with it..."

cozy nights on the couch with the hubby, wine and 'criminal minds'


5 months!

macie turned 5 months old on march 30th. gah! 5 months! almost half a year old.

here's what macie is up to:

*she's been laughing more. usually for me or riley. she thinks riley is just hilarious. if he laughs, she laughs.

*solids=still an epic fail. she either makes the "lady. you are feeding me poison" face and proceeds to thrash and cry, or she breaks into a huge grin and just leaves the cereal on her tongue. i gave it a rest for a few weeks. then today i whipped out the sweet potatoes. she tasted it. looked at me, again, like i was crazy, then opened her mouth for more. i think i probably could have wiped everything off of her face and refilled the jar, but i think it's progress. no?
i am looking forward to making my own baby food. you know, once she actually eats it. not only is it wayyy healthier, but it's also wayyy cheaper. $1.25 for a jar of organic baby food? puh-lease.

*she takes five bottles a day (5 or 6 oz each). i've been giving her a bottle of breakfast everyday and it's been going well. yay!

*she has one at about 7 pm and goes down. we usually wake her up and feed her a 10 or 11 pm bottle. if we don't she gets up around 1. if we do she sleeps until 5, eats, and goes back down until about 7. glorious!

*we're still mostly in 3-6 month clothes. some of them are getting a little too short for my long baby. 6 month are just ridiculously baggy since she's longer than she is chunky.

*rolling is becoming more of a favorite past time. especially when i put her on her tummy. i put her down, turn around, hear some grunting (tough work), turn back and she's already over. back to front is still a workout, but she does do it when she feels like it. she has it so rough.

*diapers=size 2 (btw i love love love target diapers. they are way cheaper and (i think) are way more leak proof. huggies she leaks out of the sides, pampers out of the back. we're still trying to get a hang of the cloth diapering. i have a few of the g diapers. i think i need to by the cloth inserts that are specifically designed for them. the ones i have just don't do the trick.

*macie absolutely LOVES her feet lately. she has figured out that it is faster to grab her socks off, rather than rub her feet together until they fall off. oh, and they also make excellent chew toys.

* speaking of toys, we are not such a fan of real toys in this house. macie loves to chew on blankets. and cups. and her feet. and her hands. give her a real toy, and she dismisses it "what is this you are giving me? no time for this nonsense". when she does play with a toy, though, she can transfer it from hand to hand.

*her hand to mouth coordination is excellent! skillz. her newest tricks are to pull her nuk out, then, with maximum concentration, put it back in. she does the same with her bottle. oh! and my teeny tiny baby can now hold her own bottle. she'll take it from me and put it in her own mouth. *tear*

*sleeping. oh the sleeping. like i mentioned: bottle at 7pm, down, bottle at 10pm, down, up at 5 for a bottle, usually back down until 7ish. we can lay her down in her crib wide awake most nights, turn on her mobile, give her her nuk, and she talks/grunts herself to sleep. naps are a different story. naps have been hell. by 9am macie is in rare form. whiney. thrashing. spitting while her head spins. well, ok, not that last part. but the rest is true. she cannot put herself to sleep during the day. why? i have no idea. so for the past 2 weeks i have been putting her in her crib 2 hours after she's been awake. she cries. i go in at like 5 min intervals or so. she cries harder. i give up. well apparently the consistency has had some effect. i still have to rock her until she's almost asleep. but..but then i can put her down, turn on her mobile and she sleeps for like an hour and a half. oh.my.god. i think this is what heaven must be like. besides the other child whipping around the house. hey, as long as he's not playing with knives, right?

*macie is IN LOVE with the baby in the mirror (aka her). she squeals. kicks. and turns away in excited embarrassment. it's hilarious.

*she still feels the same way about her swing as i do about bad drivers. the playmat is better now that she caught the elusive octopus that has been taunting her for months.

*i can finally put her down for small amounts of time. as long as someone is looking at her (attention whore much?) she is fine. but GOD FORBID you look away. you shall pay.

so, in short, my tiny love bug is getting way too big way too fast. i love my smiley, movey, rolly baby. but i miss that little thing that would curl up under my chin in a little ball. now she spralls out and tries to squirm away.

(pictures to come!)


i'm a stay-at-home-mom and i love it (but sometimes i want to rip my hair out)

yep. and sometimes i do.
this is definitely not a debate about who is better: moms who stay at home or moms who work. because i don't think either one is better.
for us, this is what works. we definitely make sacrifices so that i can be at home. i cannot indulge in my baby gap love affair as often as i would like. we don't go out to dinner as much as we would like. oh, and i don't buy $300 pairs of shoes. woe is my life, i know.
i truly, truly love staying at home. i get to watch my two little people grow. i get to do art projects, and sing songs, and play dinosaurs, and go to the museum.
but somedays i have to do art projects, and sing songs, and play dinosaurs, and go to the museum. and it gets lonely. and somedays i just neeeedddd an adult to talk to. today was one of those days. because staying at home is hard work. especially when you have a baby that doesn't nap. and a 3 year old that needs attention, too. and starbucks doesn't deliver. somedays it is just to much work to get out of the house.
today was one of those days. today was a day i was jealous of those moms with careers that they love. those moms that get to leave the house and do something they're good at. sometimes i'm just a jealous whore i guess.
but really, i'm proud to say i stay at home with my kids. i'm proud that matt and i are blessed enough to be able to make that happen. i am thankful that matt works so hard. and at 7pm, when i'm ready for bed i know that for every tough day there are more good days.

but really..can someone make macie nap. her constant gutteral whine is not very becoming. k?


dear macie

congratulations on meeting your 2010 medical deductible prior to the end of january. well done. no more out of pocket expenses for you!


macie's 4 month stats and the first day of the rest of my life

macie had her 4 month appointment on the 3/4. she was 13lbs 11oz and 25 1/4 inches long. that's from 10lbs 4oz and 22 7/8 inches at her 2 month visit. holy tall baby. she's 50th percentile for weight and 75th for height. riley was always 50th for weight and 25th for height. it wasn't until his 3 year checkup that he was 50th for both. she doesn't have to go back until 6 months. the dr said that, despite everything she's been through, hosiptalization-wise, she is growing perfectly. i like that word. she still hates tummy time, but the dr said her head control is great (probably thanks to the exersaucer). we didn't do shots. we're going to start going to the health dept for those now. our insurance has instituted a $500 max benefit for routine care per person per year. with a baby, that gets eaten up pretty quickly. so that's next thursday. oh yay. we were given the go-ahead to start solids. we started the next day. she's wasn't too enthused. i got a pretty funny video of that initial attempt. we've been trying every day or so since then. she has hated a little less each time. the first few days she just looked at me like "excuse me?" today i mixed in a some apples. aside from the moby wrap, and being constantly attached to my body, i think it was the best thing that has ever happened to her.
now, for the rest of my life. i joined weight watchers today. i kind of laugh at myself when i type that. something needed to happen, though. everytime i step on the scale. or put on a shirt. or pants. i want to cry. i feel terrible about myself. i know it was all worth it. i know i wouldn't trade my kids for a 6 pack. butttt i still want to feel good about myself. and i don't. i've been trying to eat better. but i just don't make good choices unless i'm held accountable. unless i see my day's food choices taunting me on the computer screen, i don't think i'll change. oh. what's that? that block of cheese i just devoured wasn't a good choice? really? but it won't matter unless the computer makes fun of me. the little voice in my head telling me to eat the salad instead of the cheese isn't loud enough. i need shame. embarrassment even. so here i am. i'm still 11 lbs up from my pre-pregnancy weight. and another 10 lbs from where i want to be. lofty goals? maybe. but i'll be happy with any progress. rock bottom? contemplating buying several pairs of elastic waisted pants and wearing them for the rest of my life. then i came to my senses. how hot would that be? meet my wife. her pants stretch. bah! sooo dieting it is. real dieting. not "i'm going to diet" and then, having the attention span of a fly, eating a block of cheese. i also had a date with jillian michaels this evening. she kicked my ass. and laughed. while i cried


where have you been?

whoa. talk about a hiatus. i've been meaning to tap this entry out for days. weeks? and everytime i find a spare moment, i find something else i could be doing.
there are a few reasons for my tragic absence.
first and foremost, i have 2 small children. they require lots of time. duh.
second, i have been feverishly finishing the final 2 classes to complete my bachelors. yay me (more on that a different time). i have a marketing plan to complete, and i will be finishedddd. so freakin excited!
third (and possibly the least fun. well actually, definitely the least fun) i have been trying to get my postpartum depression under control. blair, over at http://theheirtoblair.com/ recently opened up about her own battle. it got me to thinking. i can be open as well. it's a struggle and writing about it would likely be good therapy. so here i am.
i've been on anti-depressants before. nothing major. after macie was born i didn't notice much of a difference. until about a month and a half ago. it just got harder to do things. like going across the street for a playdate was wayyyy to much to ask of myself. tired all the time. i felt like i could sleep all day. and it wouldn't have been enough. i was snapping on matt. for things like washing the allll the bottle nipples in one load and not the bottles because there wasn't enough room. in my mind i was all "oh.my.god. i can't believe you just effing did that! what the hell??? don't you think? don't you love me? are you trying to kill our child? are you trying to make me mad?!?" then i cried. the world could have ended right there. and matt just stared at me. bless his soul. i would have flown across the room and ripped his face off if he had done that to me. but alas, he is apparently a much nicer and less impulsive person than i am. so that was a little clue that maybe something was a little off. then i went to an info session for a program to get my rn license. the lady told me they needed my high school transcripts. "you whattt? i'm going to have a bachelors degree in a few weeks! what the hell do you need those for?!? what kind of place is this? are you all nuts?!?" i didn't actually say that. after the "informative" session i left. and sat in my car and cried. and cried the whole way home. then i kept crying. all night. and most of the next day. and things just kept getting worse. nothing was going right. nothing felt right. i just felt weird. like i wasn't actually "all there". so i called my ob. because my primary doctor is a scary biatch. and if i had gone there, she would have been all "what.is.the.matter. you are wasting my time. i am a doctor. i am not here to help people *glare*". and i would have whined "nothing. nothing is the matter" and slinked away. so i called my ob for a referral to a therapist. and the wonderful doctor that she is called me back, even though her nurse had already given me the referral. she asked me what was going on. i told her i was going nuts. all i was doing was crying. i was anxious constantly. i was feeling like i couldn't catch myself. i would go to target to buy an air freshener. i'd have to leave because trying to decide between apple cinnamon and fresh linen was so overwhelming i would get sick to my stomach. she prescribed me an anti-depressant to calm my ass down (my words, not hers). so i've been on them for a week. i think i feel a little better *maybe*? i know i have to give it time.
but wow, it feels so great to get this all out. if not to make someone else feel better, it makes me feel better to vent.
oh, did i mention i went to see said referred therapist? yea. and she's a crazy nutjob? yea.
i walk in to her office. and by office i mean creepy house/office/thing. see creepy furniture circa 1970. fill out form that looks like it was typed up on a typewriter before i walked in. smell patouli. want to vomit. do vomit a little in my mouth. sit down on even creepier furniture in other room. see candles. and frightening pictures of children with angel wings. and scary dolls. talk to hippie lady. she tells me she wants to do breathing exercises. i supress a laugh. i make another appointment. i am not going back.
don't get me wrong, i'm all about talking things out with someone. it's just that when i think of therapy, i think of nice, streamlined couches, and a real doctors office. with a receptionist. and chairs made sometime this decade.
so i'll have to call and make up an excuse. and find me a new therapist.



if you're anything like me, you jump at the opportunity to force your thoughts upon someone else. LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME!
i good friend of mine is having twins. she's mentioned a few times that she wants to find a cute diaper bag. i know she'd like a trendy, fun one (she already has 3 boys). she's not a girly girl. so does anyone have some suggestions for a fun, trendy diaper bag that isn't too girly and has space for twin stuff *wow. that's not a lot of criteria*??? any bags you love? one's to avoid? good deals?
and while i'm asking for help, how the heck do all of you have such cute blog designs? (yea, i'm that internet un-savvy). did someone design them for you? is there a website? i'm a loser. please help me.


i have a four month old baby

eee! how did that happen? 4 months? didn't i just write a post about my 3 month old baby?

macie is such a good baby. she still sleeps wonderfully (i guess my bragging has yet to jinx it). naps still not great.

she is a much more serious baby than riley was. riley was always laughing. macie smiles all the time, but she reserves those smiles for myself, matt and riley most of the time. other people can get smiles, but they really have to work for them. i have gotten her to laugh twice. it's the funniest sound. it almost sounds fake, like she's making fun of me. too adorable anyway, though.

she's liking her swing more these days. she'll sit in there and just look around. she's still not a fan of the playmat. but she'll lay on the floor, rolling and turning for an hour, as long as she's not on that mat.

just the other day she discovered that her hands are good for more than just stuffing down her throat. i gave her toy to hold and for the first time she brought it in front of her face. she just stared at it, in her hands, for good 10 minutes. she was simply amazed with her newfound talent. then she dropped the toy and went back to eating her hands. macie has been grabbing things for a little while now. but this month her grabs are more purposeful. like when i want to put her down, and she's not having it. she'll latch onto my shirt (or face) and won't let go.

macie still loves to be swaddled when she sleeps. matt has put her in her crib a few times, much to my dismay. i'm sure i'm crazy, but i love having her in her bassinett in our room. it just makes me feel better. i read an article that suggested having the baby in your room for the first six months reduces the risk of sids. maybe i made it up in my head to justify my craziness? i think both she and i sleep better when she's in our room. riley hated his bassinett from day 1. he slept in his crib from the time he was too weeks old. he was never snuggler and would probably go get his own apartment now if we'd let him (i kid). but really, i'm going to enjoy all of macie's cuddles until she's big enough to know better.

this month she also discovered her reflection. no matter how mad she is, if i go stand in front of a mirror with her, as soon as she sees herself she's fine. she'll just smile and coo. oh the cooing. if no one is looking at her, she'll scream. and screm. but as soon as someone comes and looks at her, the screaming immediately stops and she's smiling and cooing. she's so intent on what she's "saying". like she thinks really hard about what she wants to come out. too cute.

she has also taken to turning herself in circles. she'll kick and kick, turning herself around and around. she's not such a fan of the rolling, though. she can go both ways, but doesn't seem too interested. she's perfectly content just going from side to side for a change of scenery. oh, and tummy time is still the devil.

i also had to move macie's carseat base to the middle seat, next to riley. as soon as her little tush hits the carseat she loses her shit. pissed. mad. woe is me. a lot of kids will settle down as soon as the car starts moving. not macie. it seems to help, though, if she can see riley. he'll give her her nuk and talk to her. he doesn't like anyone else to sit in the backseat because he "can help macie by himself". :)

i risked my sanity and gave macie a bottle of breast milk last week. i think she did ok. it's hard to tell if she's cranky because she's tired, or cranky because i gave her my boob poison. i have an entire freezer full of milk. so i think i'll just keep giving her some here and there. even though i know i gave breastfeeding my best shot (and beyond), i still feel guilty. hopefully her getting a bottle a day or so will make me feel better, knowing she's getting some of the benefits.

clotheswise she's mostly in 3-6 month. she has a few 0-3 month outfits that she can still squeeze into. i just switched her to size 2 diapers last week. i came across a newborn diaper the other day and wondered how her still tiny bum was ever thattt small. *tear*

she has her 4 month check up next week. shots and all. i'll update weight etc then.

another plus: we have not had to visit the hospital (or pediatrician for that matter) allll month. yayyy! oh. and macie already met her insurance deductible for the year. way to go macie (sarcasm!)

on an unrelated note, i took riley to the ped last week because he was driving me nuts. he was yelling constantly, not sleeping well. i was afraid he was developing some hearing issues. nope. double ear infection. that he probably had for a month. i'm waiting for child protective services to show up at my house. i felt horrible! the ped said a lot of times boys never say anything. and he didn't. he wasn't pulling at them. or digging in them. i even asked him if his ears felt funny because he was talking so loudly. this is only the 2nd ear infection riley has had. well..i guess i should say the 2nd one we knew about. because apparently he is not bothered. oh and he's perfectly happy to take the amoxicillin. i asked him the other day if his ears felt better. he told me "ummm..i think i better keep taking that medicine". probably a good sign, right?

bath time!

(last photo courtesy of riley)


dear moby, i love you.

thank god for the moby wrap. i don't know what i would do without it. macie is not a good napper. not at all. i can't really complain too much because she sleeps soooo well at night. but naps are miserable. i do all the same things i do at night. she gets swaddled. and she sleeps in her bassinet, just like she does at night. even if i put her down sound asleep (which i know isn't a good habit), she's up almost immediately. her naps range from about 10-20 minutes. then she's up and smiling like that was sufficient. nope. she's cranky again in 1/2 an hour. the only way she takes a decent nap (like 1-2 hours decent) is if she's in the moby wrap. as soon as i put her in that thing, she's out. what gives? thankfully the moby is super comfortable (if she's in the baby bjorn for awhile, my back really starts to hurt). i don't know how to get her on a good nap schedule. any suggestions? what are your kids nap schedules like?


day of awesome turned into shitfest

so this morning i had my yearly eye appointment. not so great. eyes dilated. all that fun stuff. but thennnn. then i found out that babygap was having a sale. the mother of all sales! 45% off everything in the store. the whole store! even sale stuff! i almost died from happiness and excitement. i went (duh). because babygap is my life. if i could marry babygap i would. i would ask big gap's permission for babygap's hand in marriage. anyway. i got $245 worth of clothes for something like $125 after all discounts. i shit you not. i don't think i've ever been happier. except maybe when i found my moby wrap for $10 (that's right $10)! or maybe those days i gave birth to my children. or the day i got married. but anyway, i got a ton of ridiculously cute clothes for not a lot of money!
but thennnn
then i backed into someone's car. gah! whyyy must my happiest day be tempered by a shitstorm that is snow and my apparent blindness. sooo pissed. long story short, my 4runner hits jeep commander. teeny tiny dent in back of my truck. huuuugggeee monster motherofalldents dent on bumper of other car. fuggin a. figures. the owner was nowhere to be found (yes, i hit a parked car. i was backing out of a driveway, you see). so i left a note. with matt's number of course, because the phone call would have ended one of two ways:
1. me crying and blubbering my apologies and promising my soul in return for his forgiveness. oh and selling my kidney on the black market to pay for repairs.
2. me questioning his motives for parking his giant.ass.car almost directly behind a driveway and whatthefuckwereyouthinkingyoumeanmeanjerkforruiningmylife.
so i let matt deal with it. apparently the guy wasn't too mad. he's going to submit the claim to insurance. yay! does that mean my premiums get to go up? i've been looking for ways to spend more money!


dreft=bullshit in a bottle (and other unecessary items)

This is the post where I impart my wisdom on the internet regarding baby items. Of course this is my opinion. But my opinion is always the best opinion. So listen up.


Medela Pump In Style-this pump was my savior. I've heard about people getting horribly sore from pumping, but that never happened to me with this pump. Macie breastfed for 5 weeks, hated my milk like it was poison, and I kept pumping for 5 more in a futile attempt to reintroduce breastmilk. I was able to get 4 ounces or so per side per pumping session with this pump. Not that I have any previous experience with breastpumps. But still.

Swaddling Blankets- I do not mean the blankets that are actual velcro, pouch, meant-for-swaddling things. Nope. Those are crap. I just mean some nice, knit blankets. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Gerber waffle knit blankets. They're pretty cheap and cute and soft. And they stretch so you can wrap the baybee up nice and tight, preventing escape.

Multiple bottles- I did a lot of research on the best bottles (wasted time that I will never get back. But hey, I waste a lot of my time. So what's a little more?). It doesn't matter which bottle is "the best" or which "mimics breastfeeding" the most. It will simply come down to what your baby will eat from. Macie was a champ at breastfeeding. Digesting my devil milk, not so much. She also took a bottle well. As long as it was the correct bottle. She loves the Avent bottles now. When she was younger, the milk came a little too fast, despite the slow flow nipple. She also takes Breastflow bottles well. She never seems to be gassy from these. Playtex dropins are iffy. Second Nature bottles were the bane of her existence. She would not even wrap her mouth around them. I also like Dr. Browns. They are kind of a pain to clean though. I'm glad I bought just a few of a bunch of different bottles. I know people who purchased 20 bottles of the same kind prior to the baby's arrival. FAIL. I like to think I'm smarter than that (insert eye rolling here). Not. I just actually listened to some advice I was given for once.

Carseat head positioner thingy- I think ours is the kidoppotomus brand. At 12 weeks she doesn't need it anymore. However, even if your carseat has built in head positioners, you will more than likely need something else. We learned this the hard way with our son. We plopped him in that carseat to leave the hospital, only to see a sad little hunched over baby. Sad.

LOTS of sheets, changing pad covers, onesies and burp clothes- sheets get puked on all the time. Changing pad covers. You may think one is enough. Two definitely. Right? WRONG! Some days Macie poops or pees on that thing 3 times. You need lotssss. Unless you're awesome at catching poop. Then you might be OK. Me? Not so much. I prefer to just buy more things. Onesies are a staple. Plus they get stained easily because they're white. Burp clothes can be used for many things. Even if your baby doesn't spit up a lot, they'll still probably drool food all over themselves while they're eating.

Playskool GloWorm- I think the thing is kind of creepy looking. But Macie will just smile at it for hours. Figures.

A good playmat and swing- Macie isn't a big fan right now. I think she missed the memo about her being born, and how that means she can detach from me for, oh, 30 seconds. However, Riley loved these and I'm hoping Macie will eventually (like when she's 9).

Baby carrier or sling- Good Lord in Heaven, I would be dead right now if it weren't for the Baby Bjorn. This thing has saved my life. It is as if Jesus himself descended from Heaven to hand deliver this lifesaving device. Those first 6 weeks were hell. Macie screamed like 20 hours a day. The Baby Bjorn was the best thing to happen to me. I would have gladly traded food, shelter or my husband for it. Somedays it would only make her cry less hard, but hey, I was willing to take anything. And just when I thought I couldn't love anything more than the Baby Bjorn..I discovered the Moby. While it accomplishes the same purpose, I think the Moby is much more comfortable. It also allows for a bunch of different positions for the baby to be in. It is a TON easier on the back as well. I know not everyone is a Moby fan, but I absolutely LOVE it.

Sophie the Giraffe- oh.my.god. Please do not tell me blissfully ignorant husband how much money I paid for Sophie. K? Let's be honest. Sophie is a glorified dog toy. It's rubber. And it squeaks. But my baby is kind of like a dog. Slobbery. Chewing on stuff. Pooping where she pleases. So it works. It must, because Macie loves the darn thing. And I mean L.O.V.E. She's not really into a lot of toys yet. But Sophie she loves.

Wubbanub- What in all that is holy is that, you ask? Only the best thing EVAH, I respond. I'm not really sure how I came across them. I can't find them in any stores around here. So I ordered one. And then Jesus himself crafted it and delivered it to my door. With a chorus of angels and everything. Or so it seemed because that's how awesome this thing is. Well, it's awesome if your kid likes a pacifier. Otherwise it's pretty much useless. It just so happens that Macie lovessss her pacifier. The kid always needs to be nomming on it. My life will be pure hell when it comes time to do away with said pacifier. At this rate she'll be taking a bedazzled wubbanub to prom with her. Meh. I'm fine with it.


Dreft: This shit is expensive. And unnecessary. I probably have a unhealthy hatred for Dreft. But, such is life. I understand babies have sensitive skin. My son still does. We use All Free and Clear. No dyes, no fragrance. Plus, you don't have to sell your soul for it. Bonus! I'm sticking it to the makers of Dreft. I SEE THROUGH YOU! bwahaha. We don't use it in our household..and..and...my kids are still alive! And not covered in rashes even! WHOA!

Swaddle-Me Blankets- another scam. At least for me. I've heard some people rave about them (leading me to waste my money on them). Both of my children escape these within seconds.

Baby shoes- I know they're cute. Like, really cute. And Macie has a few pair. But, c'mon. They're really impractical. (I'm still going to buy them. bwahaha)

Bottle Sterilizers- boiling water???

Bottle Warmers- We simply use warm water. Orrrr...I have even stooped so low as to microwave a bottle. I know, I know. Sound the alarms. At least I feed my kids, right?

Ear Thermometers- Not for babies. But even for my 3 year old, I don't think they produce an accurate reading.

I'm sure these will change as Macie gets bigger. And, like i said, every baby is different. These are the things that have worked for us...so far.

I didn't include things like food, diapers, clothes. If you don't think these things are necessary, well, I really don't know what to say to you. Plus, everyone obviously has very different preferences for these things. And you probably don't care what I do/use (this is assuming you care about the other stuff I just forced down your throat).

And just because I love this picture of Riley:


3 months

my itsy bitsy baybee rolled over today! from back to front! oh.my.goodness. so that leads me to this post.

macie turned 3 months old on the 30th. 3 whole months. where did that time go? i know some people are thinking "gosh lady. she's onlyyy 3 months. it's not like she's walking or something." but THREE? really? i have loved every second of it. but it seems like those first few months, no matter how hard you try to remember everything, you're so tired and trying to get into a routine, and blindly doing whatever this tiny little person dictates, that you forget. you're so busy trying not to die of sleep, that you don't memorize every little detail like you want to. how small did her feet used to be? how did she look laying on her tummy, with her tiny little butt up in the air? i've already started to pack away some clothes. *tear* she still fits in 0-3, but the newborn stuff is too small. it just seems like you're so busy offering food and clothing and maybe even the hubby as sacrifices for TEN MORE MINUTES OF SLEEP and before you know it the baybee is smiling and cooing and then ignoring your cell phone calls and driving with the music too loud! gah!

this month macie is so much stronger. she lovesss to be held upright. she has pretty great head control and just looks around. she has discovered the tv and thinks it's awesome. she has also discovered her hands. best.invention.ever. they serve as constant amusement. she stares at them, licks them, noms on them. a perfect toy. that is always here. heaven. or that's what i think she thinks. macie rolled from tummy to back at 2 weeks. this was solely a rebellion against tummy time. she did it a few times since then. but nothing consistent. she still has a MAJOR bone to pick with tummy time. whoa. as soon as i put her on her stomach all hell breaks loose. "how DARE you place me on my stomach? lady, you move me and you move me now. or suffer the consequences." the consequences are incessant screaming until i pick her up. i'm not too concerned, because she does have good head and neck control. about 2 weeks ago she started "talking". you can see her really thinking about it. trying, trying. and then "ah" or something along those lines. (brilliant. i know! can you believe it? i should probably get harvard medical school on the phone, right?) once she hears it she just grins. like, "wow, was that me? sweeeet". she'll go back and forth with you when you talk to her. sooo cute. she has fallen in love with her mobile, now that she can see it. she also lovesss to watch riley. she just follows him around the room with her eyes. her love for attention is becoming apparent as well. ME ME ME. look at ME. she's learned that if she yells, someone will come look at her. as soon as you look at her she just smiles. tricky little thing. she's in size 1 diapers, and like i said, still in 0-3 month clothes, and some 3-6 depending on the brand.
oh! i'm going to risk jinxing myself with this one. because i want to be able to look back and remember how lucky i was. macie is a champion sleeper. riley was, too. naps are iffy. we have yet to find a consistent schedule. she seems to be a fan of catnaps. she can sense when i am about to put her down. not when i do, when i am ABOUT to. and she wakes up. and stays up. every once in awhile we get a good 2ish hour nap in. we're working on it. at night she has her last bottle around 10pm. and...(here's the best part)...sleeps until 5 or 6ish. girls need their beauty sleep.

and i'll leave you with some pictures! because who can resist such a cute baybee???


people are lucky i don't have a gun in my car

maybe that's a little harsh..no, no it's not. seriously! doesn't it seem that whenever you're in a super big hurry to get somewhere (because of your own laziness and lack of punctuality of course) that you are surrounded by the world's WORST drivers. maybe they just follow me (kind of like how i attract crazies). there's the "i'm going to drive exactly parallel to your car so that, no matter how fast or slow you drive, you CANNOT get around me" driver. and the "i have my seat leaning so far back i can't see over the wheel, but it's ok because you don't need to see to drive" driver. oh, and the "i'm so old i'll probably die before i get to my destination and should be the poster-child for mandatory drivers tests every year after 80" driver. god! so really the world should thank me for driving unarmed. because otherwise i would likely be in prison after failing to convince a judge and jury that my murderous highway rampage was justified. whatever, they were all bad drivers, too. maybe i should just keep a dry erase board in the car so i can write mean, condescending things to people as i speed past them glaring (and likely using a few choice words that i am hoping are not macie's first). i could write things like "oh! i must have missed the drivers ed class where they explained that you figure out the speed limit by looking at that weird sign with 2 numbers and subtracting 10". i might have to shorten that one a bit..


damn the rsv

Oh how I miss the outside world. And apparently will for a long time. We just got home from the hospital with Macie yesterday. Not fun. Riley was sick last week. So I kind of saw it coming. Wednesday the 20th Macie was a little sniffly. Nothing bad. Thursday she was OK. Until Thursday night. She started to have a hard time breathing. I took her respiratory rate. It was varying between 65 to 80 breaths per minute. Too fast. This was at about 7pm. So I called the on-call doc. He was a little concerned and told me that if she started to retract a lot while breathing or her resp rate stayed around 80 for 20 mins or so, we had to take her to the ER. Well, her resp rate calmed down a little (60s) so we were told to hang out until morning and take her into the office. After dropping Ry off at my grandma's, I got Macie to the office at 10:45. The nurse checked her oxygen levels and she was sating at 93%. The doctor came in, listened to her and told me to hold on a second. He grabbed another doc. GREAT. That doc listened as well. They said they'd be right back. MORE GREAT. The first doc came back and said we were going to be admitted to Children's. AHHH. He did an RSV swab and had us come into his office. At this point I am starting to worry. He gets on the phone with Children's and tells them her oxygen levels, that she's retracting when breathing and he wants her admitted right away. He told them that she's really struggling to breathe and he doesn't think she can do it much longer and he doesn't want her to crash in the ER. WHATTT??? OMGOMGOMG. Children's asked if they should send an ambulance (at this point I am ready to vomit in the office) but the doc felt we could get there fast enough. Needless to say I was ushered out of the office with strict instructions to go straight to the hospital. I have no idea how I even got there. I got Matt on the phone and could only muster "meet me at children's now". My head was spinning and I felt like I was going to pass out. I have never been so scared in my life. We got to triage at Children's and they checked her oxygen, now down to 89%. They took her from me without even asking her name or any info. They took her to a bed and immediately got her on oxygen. Matt got there a few minutes later. They started an IV and drew labs (poor baybee) and figured out her oxygen support. We got up to a room about 6pm. The hospital was at max capacity. This is the hospital that I work at, so that was comforting. I know the standard of care and some of the staff. Luckily we brought her in when we did. In babies RSV can get really serious really quickly. She remained on oxygen until Monday and we didn't get discharged until Tuesday. It was so sad to see her like that, hooked up to machines. I know there are babies that are much much sicker. And I am thankful that she didn't get to the point of needing more support. But it still sucks to watch your baybee poked and proded. And feeling like crap. RSV is really common and everyone likely gets it a few times during cold season. However, our airways aren't as affected because they are larger. When babies get RSV they really struggle because their airways are so small already. I'm just glad to be home with both of my baybees. It was hard to not see Riley for those days as well. Matt and I were pretty much going on fumes, alternating between home and the hospital, never wanting Macie to be alone.
I thought we were being cautious because of cold and flu season. We've obviously been avoiding anyone who is sick. We avoid places like the mall. But I guess sometimes it doesn't matter. Riley is like a walking petri dish since he started preschool in the fall. Oh well. I guess I can't live in a bubble.