"mama"

best word ever. (even when she's crawling after me all over the house whining it)
current vocab: mama, da, and dog
plus attempts at kiss ("ssss") and up ("pu")
currently working on mastering her skills at crawling with toys in her mouth. gosh i have talented children.
speaking of talent: riley was balancing a tub of margarine on his head the other day.
"look at me! i can balance butter on my head! can you sign me up for the circus? when i turn four".
well of course! because it would be silly to sign you up when you're three. four is the minimum age requirement. especially for something as risky as butter-balancing.
the end. i need coffee.

9 months!

gosh. it feels like her 1st birthday is just around the corner *tear*
macie has been busy!
-her first tooth popped through on wednesday. i was surprised because i haven't felt anything underneath her gums. she is quite protective about it. if you so much as move for her mouth, she slaps her hand away.
-she has a sloppy little wave that she started doing to. i have it on video, she still won't do it for matt, though.
-all of a sudden she started clapping. she does it when someone says yay. and especially when she turns on her ball popper toy thingy. it's hilarious.
-she is trying sooo hard to talk. she chases the dog around the house yelling "daw! daw!". and when she's following matt it's "da! da!". she babbles and squeals
-she also gives kisses (aka opens her mouth wide and lunges at your face). i left her with my grandma for a few hours the other day when i had a doctors appointment. when i came back she gave me "kisses" for about 5 minutes straight. love!
-she is so much more mobile, too. she's standing all the time, for a few seconds on her own. she's walking her way around furniture. she loves to push her activity table around. oh, and stairs. she can climb stairs. great.
-we packed the hated swing away. the exersaucer has apparently become a cage.
-macie lovesssss food. anything and everything. sweet potatoes, avocados, squash, peas, green beans, apples, peaches, mango, plums, bananas. we've started more finger foods (beyond the puffs and mum mums). graham crackers are her fav. she would devour an entire box. she also likes pasta, little bits of chicken, cheese, sweet potato pancakes and cheerios. she hates yogurt, though. cries and spits it out. egg yolk isn't a big hit either.
-she drinks four 5-ounce bottles most days still. usually 7,11,3 and 7. she's missed the 7pm bottle a few times.
-she's been quite the daddy's girl when matt gets home.
-she absolutely ADORES riley. he makes her laugh harder than anyone. she follows him around allll day. sometimes he gets a little frustrated, but is really good with her. he watches to make sure she doesn't get anything she shouldn't have. he tells other people what she can't have or can't do.
-she is so much more interested in her toys lately. she's been figuring out how to move and shake them. how to turn them on. she gets so excited when she figures something out.
-naps are getting better. she sleeps between 45 min to 2ish hours at a time. usually she goes down at 9 and 3. sometimes 12 in between. most times she takes her nuk and goes to sleep. if she doesn't want to sleep, her favorite game is throwing as many nuks out of her crib as i put in. then she screams. and screams. part of the bad napping is thanks to riley. he is SO loud. not on purpose, but he has no "inside voice". it's either sleeping or yelling. i find myself constantly reminding him to be quiet because macie is sleeping. he tries hard, but then forgets and yells.
she also went to her first brewers game. she did really well. innings i think. napped, too.
-macie is in 6-12 month clothes.
-macie loves: brewer, riley, mommy and daddy, the camera, remotes, cell phones, food, standing
-macie dislikes: sleeping, yogurt, being "ignored", laying down

and what has riley been up to?
-he took a museum class about the solar system and can tell you about constellations.
-the other day he learned how to open his "child-proof" vitamins. he said he needed vitamins. i told him to bring me the bottle. he brought me an open bottle. nice.
-the things he say amaze me everyday. i don't remember what we were looking at, but he told me "i'm going to go get my other one to compare" hm..ok?
-he's been loving the museum, the zoo and swimming.
-he would stay outside all day and play baseball, soccer and basketball.
-he's finally starting to play by himself more. i love to see him "acting" out scenes with his space sets or fire station.

someday i'll get some pictures up. because my kids are pretty frickin' cute.

7 months

i'm sitting here feeding macie a bottle (because i woke her up to change her. oops) and thinking about our late night feedings that seem so long ago. at the time, i would have given just about anything for macie to sleep through the night. now i kind of miss them. i don't miss being so tired i just wanted to cry. but nighttime is one of the few times macie is cuddly. she doesn't stop from 7am until 7pm. but in the middle of the night she would just snuggle.
now she's 7 months old!
per the precedent i've set:
*6-12 month clothes (usually. but sometimes she wears 3-6. why can't all baby clothes follow the same sizing guidelines??? i'm talkin' to you, carters)
*size 3 diapers
*sleeping from 7 or 8 pm until 4:30 am (at which point daddy has to replace the nuk). then she's up at 6 or 7 to eat and back down until 8. too bad riley doesn't sleep until 8.
*i was planning on writing about my awesome napper who takes 3 or 4 naps a day (an hour or so for each). but she apparently disappeared, only to be replaced with that icky baby who screams in her crib for 45 min ("let me out. let me out. i'm so tired i can't keep my eyes open. but let me out") until i give up and come in ("there you are. it took you longer than it did this morning. what's up with that") and her sneer of accomplishment.
*macie is sooo close to crawling. she gets up on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth, just willing herself forward. then she falls. and screams. or she scoots herself backwards. and screams as she goes.
*still a champ at sitting. she got a compliment on her posture from an er nurse (more on that later) like we work on in at home. "no! why are you slouching! what are you, a 5 month old? back straight!"
*oh, um, she pulls herself up on things. yea, great. like riley's bed rail. or her toy basket. or people. just try and make her sit. or, godforbid, lay down. then you're really asking for it. when riley was a baby, i couldn't wait for him to hit all of his milestones. sit! crawl! walk! talk! now i know what i'm in for. would it be bad for me to start pushing her down? yea, i thought so. i just won't tell anyone about it.
*still trying to get her off of her soy formula. soy. you know. that stuff that was supposed to be better than god himself. and now apparently it has hormones and you shouldn't drink it. that's the stuff. well, macie has other ideas. everytime we try to switch, she's fine for like 3 days. and we're all "ooo. finally. look at this. she's fine". then she farts. and screams. and farts some more. back to the soy. with some breastmilk mixed in.
*da-da-da, ba-ba-ba, du-du-du. just a sampling of the babblings of macie. brilliant, i know. she's not a huge talker, though. when she wants to she does. like when she sees that goofy glo-worm. or when she's mad. she doesn't cry when she's mad that often anymore. just yells at you. when ry was a baby he used to talk and talk and talk. constantly (still does). just like he would laugh. all.the.time. you have to earn macie laughs. they're expensive, apparently. and reserved for family. just like her smiles. "mom. how dare that lady smile at me"
*pretty much loves all food now. squash, sweet potatoes, avocado, pears, apples, peas, green beans, oatmeal, rice cereal. oh and baby mum mum rice rusks. she can hold them herself. and they just dissolve. she shakes when i bring the box out. sooo exciting. don't you dare walk past her with a bottle, though, unless she can have it. you will not hear the end of it.
*growing more enamored with riley by the day. and vice versa. the other day, macie was being particularly unruley and i told riley we were going to have to take her back to the baby store. he was not happy. at all. he told me that, no, she lives here. i gave in and let her stay.
*i have given up on the swing. i figured if it hasn't grown on her yet, i'm probably out of luck. at least i have the memories of riley swinging happily in it to compare to the ones of macie screaming and panting in it. she does like the exersaucer and her jumper. as long as you watch her in them. or anything. she'll sit in her highchair. if you watch her sit. she'll sit on the couch. if you watch her sit. she'll even chew on things. if you watch her chew.
*she has this awesome (not) new arching thing. she does it when she doesn't want to sleep. or be held. or get dressed.
*macie is getting less cuddly by the day. if she doesn't want to be on your lap, you better hope you have a good grip, or are standing above something soft. constant motion.

likes: being watched. at all times. her family (must.find.family. must.know.where.they.are.at.all.times). anything that isn't a toy. food.
dislikes: sleeping. being buckled in anything.

i have a baby who turns blue

and no one can tell me why.
10ish days ago macie's hands and feet started to turn purple all the time. like a bright, obvious purple. weird, i thought. breathing normal. eating normal.
it kept happening. so to the pediatrician we went.
"that's weird. it shouldn't be happening"
duh.
she sent us to a pediatric rheumatologist.
cbc-normal (neutrophils a little low, per usual)
cpro-normal
ekg-normal
great, right?
well, yeah. except it's getting worse.
she has a rash. everywhere.
her hands and feet don't turn purple anymore.
they turn blue. like, really blue.
and so do her lips and around her mouth.
and they stay like that for half an hour or so.
and she's crabby. all.the.time.
she gets up at night. all.the.time. shrieking.
gah!

6 months old!

oh.my.gosh.
i have a 6 month old baby.
i can't believe how fast it has gone, just like it did with riley.
sometimes it's hard to remember how little she was when we first brought her home. the way she would curl up on your chest and sleep. the way she loveeeeddd to be swaddled. her tiny little squeak cry.
now i have baby gigantor. macie actually turned 6 months old last friday, on the 30th. but we just had her 6 month doctor visit yesterday.
so:

• macie is an awesome sitter. she sits straight up, unassisted for pretty much as long as we leave her be.
• she still loves to talk. you can see that she's trying to imitate sounds and the way you move your mouth now.
• she loves her exersaucer. she can spin the seat around to get to all of the toys.sophie the giraffe is another favorite. you know, biting its head and choking it.
• the hatred of the swing continues.
• she tolerates the bouncy seat (we now have 3 different ones.
• she likes her playmat, but she'd much rather be upright.
• tummy time is still the bane of her existence. the pediatrician said she might not have much of an interest in crawling. when she does roll to her tummy, she pushes up and tries to "swim" with her legs. she looses interest within 3.5 seconds and either rolls back or screams until someone comes to get her.
• despite this hatred of all things to do with being on her tummy, that is now the way she sleeps. since about 3 weeks ago, as soon as you put her in her crib, she grabs her nuk and rolls to her tummy. go figure. hence the new breathable bumpers that adorn her crib.
• we had to make the switch to a "big girl" carseat. our lovely (and expensive) britax boulevard has made its appearance. in her infant seat, she would always try to sit upright. one time i went to get her out and found her with her head stuck between the head support and the window. enter new carseat. she is quite pleased with her new arrangements. though she will still thrash when you try to contain her with those darn straps sometimes.
• it continues that as long as someone is looking at her, she is fine. she'll do her own thing, as long as she can see someone. dare to walk out of the room? you'll pay.
• she will watch riley for hours on end. she thinks he is hilarious.
• stranger danger has started to creep in. she'll still go to others, but she has to make sure she can see me.
• still in size 2 diapers (and some cloth. with more on the way. yay!)
• some clothes are still 3-6. mostly 6-12 because of the length.
• hand to mouth coordination is excellent. she holds her bottle when she feels like it.
• feet remain the greatest thing EVER.
• she loves walks in her stroller. as long as she can sit up. duh.
• a few times she has stood on the chair, holding on to the armrest.
• solids are going much better. squash, sweet potatoes and carrots are her favorites. peas are also a go-to. i gave up on apples after a few tries. i'll have to revisit them. she does like bananas. i finally reintroduced rice cereal yesterday with some pears. that actually went fine. there must have been something about the texture that she had to get used to. i've been making all of her food.
• apparently she is taking too many bottles. she was going 5-6 ounces every 3-4 hours. i guess she's only supposed to have 20-24 ounces per day. oops. we were also instructed to try to up her solids intake to twice a day instead of once, now that she's more receptive (and less repulsed).
• macie is still getting some pumped breast milk from my 'stash'
• we gave her a cup with water yesterday for the first time. surprisingly no choking.
• she loves her baths, diaper changes, watching everyone, reading books
• she hates getting dressed, being alone
• at the doctor she was 16lbs 3 ounces (between 50th and 75th %) and 26 1/2 inches long (between 75th and 90th %). no problems growing here.
• still no teeth, but i think they're coming. the gnawing is getting fierce.
• she takes usually 3 naps per day. she finally is able to put herself to sleep (after much eye gauging on my part, and many looonnnggg weeks). she goes to bed about 7 pm. we usually wake her up at 10 or 11 and feed her one more time. then she'll sleep til about 7 or 730. praise the lord.

5 months!

macie turned 5 months old on march 30th. gah! 5 months! almost half a year old.

here's what macie is up to:

*she's been laughing more. usually for me or riley. she thinks riley is just hilarious. if he laughs, she laughs.

*solids=still an epic fail. she either makes the "lady. you are feeding me poison" face and proceeds to thrash and cry, or she breaks into a huge grin and just leaves the cereal on her tongue. i gave it a rest for a few weeks. then today i whipped out the sweet potatoes. she tasted it. looked at me, again, like i was crazy, then opened her mouth for more. i think i probably could have wiped everything off of her face and refilled the jar, but i think it's progress. no?
i am looking forward to making my own baby food. you know, once she actually eats it. not only is it wayyy healthier, but it's also wayyy cheaper. $1.25 for a jar of organic baby food? puh-lease.

*she takes five bottles a day (5 or 6 oz each). i've been giving her a bottle of breakfast everyday and it's been going well. yay!

*she has one at about 7 pm and goes down. we usually wake her up and feed her a 10 or 11 pm bottle. if we don't she gets up around 1. if we do she sleeps until 5, eats, and goes back down until about 7. glorious!

*we're still mostly in 3-6 month clothes. some of them are getting a little too short for my long baby. 6 month are just ridiculously baggy since she's longer than she is chunky.

*rolling is becoming more of a favorite past time. especially when i put her on her tummy. i put her down, turn around, hear some grunting (tough work), turn back and she's already over. back to front is still a workout, but she does do it when she feels like it. she has it so rough.

*diapers=size 2 (btw i love love love target diapers. they are way cheaper and (i think) are way more leak proof. huggies she leaks out of the sides, pampers out of the back. we're still trying to get a hang of the cloth diapering. i have a few of the g diapers. i think i need to by the cloth inserts that are specifically designed for them. the ones i have just don't do the trick.

*macie absolutely LOVES her feet lately. she has figured out that it is faster to grab her socks off, rather than rub her feet together until they fall off. oh, and they also make excellent chew toys.

* speaking of toys, we are not such a fan of real toys in this house. macie loves to chew on blankets. and cups. and her feet. and her hands. give her a real toy, and she dismisses it "what is this you are giving me? no time for this nonsense". when she does play with a toy, though, she can transfer it from hand to hand.

*her hand to mouth coordination is excellent! skillz. her newest tricks are to pull her nuk out, then, with maximum concentration, put it back in. she does the same with her bottle. oh! and my teeny tiny baby can now hold her own bottle. she'll take it from me and put it in her own mouth. *tear*

*sleeping. oh the sleeping. like i mentioned: bottle at 7pm, down, bottle at 10pm, down, up at 5 for a bottle, usually back down until 7ish. we can lay her down in her crib wide awake most nights, turn on her mobile, give her her nuk, and she talks/grunts herself to sleep. naps are a different story. naps have been hell. by 9am macie is in rare form. whiney. thrashing. spitting while her head spins. well, ok, not that last part. but the rest is true. she cannot put herself to sleep during the day. why? i have no idea. so for the past 2 weeks i have been putting her in her crib 2 hours after she's been awake. she cries. i go in at like 5 min intervals or so. she cries harder. i give up. well apparently the consistency has had some effect. i still have to rock her until she's almost asleep. but..but then i can put her down, turn on her mobile and she sleeps for like an hour and a half. oh.my.god. i think this is what heaven must be like. besides the other child whipping around the house. hey, as long as he's not playing with knives, right?

*macie is IN LOVE with the baby in the mirror (aka her). she squeals. kicks. and turns away in excited embarrassment. it's hilarious.

*she still feels the same way about her swing as i do about bad drivers. the playmat is better now that she caught the elusive octopus that has been taunting her for months.

*i can finally put her down for small amounts of time. as long as someone is looking at her (attention whore much?) she is fine. but GOD FORBID you look away. you shall pay.

so, in short, my tiny love bug is getting way too big way too fast. i love my smiley, movey, rolly baby. but i miss that little thing that would curl up under my chin in a little ball. now she spralls out and tries to squirm away.

(pictures to come!)

dear macie

congratulations on meeting your 2010 medical deductible prior to the end of january. well done. no more out of pocket expenses for you!

macie's 4 month stats and the first day of the rest of my life

macie had her 4 month appointment on the 3/4. she was 13lbs 11oz and 25 1/4 inches long. that's from 10lbs 4oz and 22 7/8 inches at her 2 month visit. holy tall baby. she's 50th percentile for weight and 75th for height. riley was always 50th for weight and 25th for height. it wasn't until his 3 year checkup that he was 50th for both. she doesn't have to go back until 6 months. the dr said that, despite everything she's been through, hosiptalization-wise, she is growing perfectly. i like that word. she still hates tummy time, but the dr said her head control is great (probably thanks to the exersaucer). we didn't do shots. we're going to start going to the health dept for those now. our insurance has instituted a $500 max benefit for routine care per person per year. with a baby, that gets eaten up pretty quickly. so that's next thursday. oh yay. we were given the go-ahead to start solids. we started the next day. she's wasn't too enthused. i got a pretty funny video of that initial attempt. we've been trying every day or so since then. she has hated a little less each time. the first few days she just looked at me like "excuse me?" today i mixed in a some apples. aside from the moby wrap, and being constantly attached to my body, i think it was the best thing that has ever happened to her.
now, for the rest of my life. i joined weight watchers today. i kind of laugh at myself when i type that. something needed to happen, though. everytime i step on the scale. or put on a shirt. or pants. i want to cry. i feel terrible about myself. i know it was all worth it. i know i wouldn't trade my kids for a 6 pack. butttt i still want to feel good about myself. and i don't. i've been trying to eat better. but i just don't make good choices unless i'm held accountable. unless i see my day's food choices taunting me on the computer screen, i don't think i'll change. oh. what's that? that block of cheese i just devoured wasn't a good choice? really? but it won't matter unless the computer makes fun of me. the little voice in my head telling me to eat the salad instead of the cheese isn't loud enough. i need shame. embarrassment even. so here i am. i'm still 11 lbs up from my pre-pregnancy weight. and another 10 lbs from where i want to be. lofty goals? maybe. but i'll be happy with any progress. rock bottom? contemplating buying several pairs of elastic waisted pants and wearing them for the rest of my life. then i came to my senses. how hot would that be? meet my wife. her pants stretch. bah! sooo dieting it is. real dieting. not "i'm going to diet" and then, having the attention span of a fly, eating a block of cheese. i also had a date with jillian michaels this evening. she kicked my ass. and laughed. while i cried

i have a four month old baby

eee! how did that happen? 4 months? didn't i just write a post about my 3 month old baby?


macie is such a good baby. she still sleeps wonderfully (i guess my bragging has yet to jinx it). naps still not great.

she is a much more serious baby than riley was. riley was always laughing. macie smiles all the time, but she reserves those smiles for myself, matt and riley most of the time. other people can get smiles, but they really have to work for them. i have gotten her to laugh twice. it's the funniest sound. it almost sounds fake, like she's making fun of me. too adorable anyway, though.

she's liking her swing more these days. she'll sit in there and just look around. she's still not a fan of the playmat. but she'll lay on the floor, rolling and turning for an hour, as long as she's not on that mat.

just the other day she discovered that her hands are good for more than just stuffing down her throat. i gave her toy to hold and for the first time she brought it in front of her face. she just stared at it, in her hands, for good 10 minutes. she was simply amazed with her newfound talent. then she dropped the toy and went back to eating her hands. macie has been grabbing things for a little while now. but this month her grabs are more purposeful. like when i want to put her down, and she's not having it. she'll latch onto my shirt (or face) and won't let go.

macie still loves to be swaddled when she sleeps. matt has put her in her crib a few times, much to my dismay. i'm sure i'm crazy, but i love having her in her bassinett in our room. it just makes me feel better. i read an article that suggested having the baby in your room for the first six months reduces the risk of sids. maybe i made it up in my head to justify my craziness? i think both she and i sleep better when she's in our room. riley hated his bassinett from day 1. he slept in his crib from the time he was too weeks old. he was never snuggler and would probably go get his own apartment now if we'd let him (i kid). but really, i'm going to enjoy all of macie's cuddles until she's big enough to know better.

this month she also discovered her reflection. no matter how mad she is, if i go stand in front of a mirror with her, as soon as she sees herself she's fine. she'll just smile and coo. oh the cooing. if no one is looking at her, she'll scream. and screm. but as soon as someone comes and looks at her, the screaming immediately stops and she's smiling and cooing. she's so intent on what she's "saying". like she thinks really hard about what she wants to come out. too cute.

she has also taken to turning herself in circles. she'll kick and kick, turning herself around and around. she's not such a fan of the rolling, though. she can go both ways, but doesn't seem too interested. she's perfectly content just going from side to side for a change of scenery. oh, and tummy time is still the devil.

i also had to move macie's carseat base to the middle seat, next to riley. as soon as her little tush hits the carseat she loses her shit. pissed. mad. woe is me. a lot of kids will settle down as soon as the car starts moving. not macie. it seems to help, though, if she can see riley. he'll give her her nuk and talk to her. he doesn't like anyone else to sit in the backseat because he "can help macie by himself". :)

i risked my sanity and gave macie a bottle of breast milk last week. i think she did ok. it's hard to tell if she's cranky because she's tired, or cranky because i gave her my boob poison. i have an entire freezer full of milk. so i think i'll just keep giving her some here and there. even though i know i gave breastfeeding my best shot (and beyond), i still feel guilty. hopefully her getting a bottle a day or so will make me feel better, knowing she's getting some of the benefits.

clotheswise she's mostly in 3-6 month. she has a few 0-3 month outfits that she can still squeeze into. i just switched her to size 2 diapers last week. i came across a newborn diaper the other day and wondered how her still tiny bum was ever thattt small. *tear*

she has her 4 month check up next week. shots and all. i'll update weight etc then.

another plus: we have not had to visit the hospital (or pediatrician for that matter) allll month. yayyy! oh. and macie already met her insurance deductible for the year. way to go macie (sarcasm!)

on an unrelated note, i took riley to the ped last week because he was driving me nuts. he was yelling constantly, not sleeping well. i was afraid he was developing some hearing issues. nope. double ear infection. that he probably had for a month. i'm waiting for child protective services to show up at my house. i felt horrible! the ped said a lot of times boys never say anything. and he didn't. he wasn't pulling at them. or digging in them. i even asked him if his ears felt funny because he was talking so loudly. this is only the 2nd ear infection riley has had. well..i guess i should say the 2nd one we knew about. because apparently he is not bothered. oh and he's perfectly happy to take the amoxicillin. i asked him the other day if his ears felt better. he told me "ummm..i think i better keep taking that medicine". probably a good sign, right?












bath time!

(last photo courtesy of riley)

dear moby, i love you.

thank god for the moby wrap. i don't know what i would do without it. macie is not a good napper. not at all. i can't really complain too much because she sleeps soooo well at night. but naps are miserable. i do all the same things i do at night. she gets swaddled. and she sleeps in her bassinet, just like she does at night. even if i put her down sound asleep (which i know isn't a good habit), she's up almost immediately. her naps range from about 10-20 minutes. then she's up and smiling like that was sufficient. nope. she's cranky again in 1/2 an hour. the only way she takes a decent nap (like 1-2 hours decent) is if she's in the moby wrap. as soon as i put her in that thing, she's out. what gives? thankfully the moby is super comfortable (if she's in the baby bjorn for awhile, my back really starts to hurt). i don't know how to get her on a good nap schedule. any suggestions? what are your kids nap schedules like?

damn the rsv

Oh how I miss the outside world. And apparently will for a long time. We just got home from the hospital with Macie yesterday. Not fun. Riley was sick last week. So I kind of saw it coming. Wednesday the 20th Macie was a little sniffly. Nothing bad. Thursday she was OK. Until Thursday night. She started to have a hard time breathing. I took her respiratory rate. It was varying between 65 to 80 breaths per minute. Too fast. This was at about 7pm. So I called the on-call doc. He was a little concerned and told me that if she started to retract a lot while breathing or her resp rate stayed around 80 for 20 mins or so, we had to take her to the ER. Well, her resp rate calmed down a little (60s) so we were told to hang out until morning and take her into the office. After dropping Ry off at my grandma's, I got Macie to the office at 10:45. The nurse checked her oxygen levels and she was sating at 93%. The doctor came in, listened to her and told me to hold on a second. He grabbed another doc. GREAT. That doc listened as well. They said they'd be right back. MORE GREAT. The first doc came back and said we were going to be admitted to Children's. AHHH. He did an RSV swab and had us come into his office. At this point I am starting to worry. He gets on the phone with Children's and tells them her oxygen levels, that she's retracting when breathing and he wants her admitted right away. He told them that she's really struggling to breathe and he doesn't think she can do it much longer and he doesn't want her to crash in the ER. WHATTT??? OMGOMGOMG. Children's asked if they should send an ambulance (at this point I am ready to vomit in the office) but the doc felt we could get there fast enough. Needless to say I was ushered out of the office with strict instructions to go straight to the hospital. I have no idea how I even got there. I got Matt on the phone and could only muster "meet me at children's now". My head was spinning and I felt like I was going to pass out. I have never been so scared in my life. We got to triage at Children's and they checked her oxygen, now down to 89%. They took her from me without even asking her name or any info. They took her to a bed and immediately got her on oxygen. Matt got there a few minutes later. They started an IV and drew labs (poor baybee) and figured out her oxygen support. We got up to a room about 6pm. The hospital was at max capacity. This is the hospital that I work at, so that was comforting. I know the standard of care and some of the staff. Luckily we brought her in when we did. In babies RSV can get really serious really quickly. She remained on oxygen until Monday and we didn't get discharged until Tuesday. It was so sad to see her like that, hooked up to machines. I know there are babies that are much much sicker. And I am thankful that she didn't get to the point of needing more support. But it still sucks to watch your baybee poked and proded. And feeling like crap. RSV is really common and everyone likely gets it a few times during cold season. However, our airways aren't as affected because they are larger. When babies get RSV they really struggle because their airways are so small already. I'm just glad to be home with both of my baybees. It was hard to not see Riley for those days as well. Matt and I were pretty much going on fumes, alternating between home and the hospital, never wanting Macie to be alone.
I thought we were being cautious because of cold and flu season. We've obviously been avoiding anyone who is sick. We avoid places like the mall. But I guess sometimes it doesn't matter. Riley is like a walking petri dish since he started preschool in the fall. Oh well. I guess I can't live in a bubble.

the one with the exhaustion

Miss Macie has been a crab all day. Just a crab. No smiles. Just glares. She's still a champ at the sleeping. She'll go from 10 or 11 pm until somewhere between 5-7 am. Jealous much? So what's with the crabbiness? Who knows. Riley was an awesome sleeper, too. When Macie was born I was in a panic trying desperately to remember how we got Riley on the "sleep schedule from Jesus". But alas, I have forgotten all but the important things, like the time he pooped all over me. Priorities, right? So we just went with the flow. Those first couple weeks were hell. She slept in 20 minute increments. Plus, the only place she wanted to sleep was on one of our chests. Not cool. At all. I am not someone who can function on little sleep. I need a lot of sleep. Always have. So this was my main concern (after her health and all that stuff). And..miraculously she is a good sleeper. (I'm probably jinxing this as I type). Riley, not so much. The 10 week old sleeps through the night. But the 3 year old is up every night between 12:30 and 1:30. Like clockwork. Or at least he was. After wearily taking him back to bed and cursing under my breath every.stinking.night I decided to do what every good parent does. Bribe my child. Because my displeasure clearly was not fazing him in the least. "Oh, this makes you mad? I'll do it more". On top of waking up (and waking me up), he would attempt (and often succeed) to make himself throw up. Charming, I know. So anyway, I bribed him with stickers. 5 stickers=a prize from Target. And who doesn't love Target? (We're not friends if you don't). Amazingly (NOT) he hasn't gotten out of bed at night since. The little booger is tricky. Every morning he comes down to announce that he gets another sticker. He played me good.

one time, i had another baby

so this is wayyy overdue. and mostly for my own nostalgic purposes. because riley's birth is fuzzy. except for the important parts. like holding him for the first time. and 5:44 am, 8 lbs 1 oz, 20.5 inches. and watching matt hold him and say "hi, baby". or watching my doctor use all of her body weight to pull at a t-bar to vaccum riley out of my lady parts. or the 23 hours that it took for him to be born. after i went to the doctor that morning, was told i was 3 cm, went to the hospital and stayed at 3 cm for, like, ever. or how my epidural made me a beached whale, that had to be rotated by 2 people (hotttt). and riley's massive conehead that i prayedddd would subside eventually. or how matt ate sandwiches and roast beef while i couldn't eat anything. or how my iv and epidural both took two attempts. and how i puked up gray stuff. oh and the horrible back labor that prompted the doctor to stand next to me, pumping stuff into the epidural that doesn't usually go in there. hm, i guess i do remember a lot.
soooo without further ado, i give you...macie's birth story!
more vaginas and spraying bags of water than you ever hoped to encounter.
let us travel back in time to the end of october. 10.29.09 to be exact. macie's due date was 11.19.09. i had been saying for weeks that i wasn't going to make it to my due date. i have no idea why. i just didn't think i would. maybe it was because i thought i would die if i had to throw up daily for that much longer. anyway. the morning of the 29th. i woke up to contractions (which i had been having irregularly for weeks). oh and blood. yay. i got excited until i timed my contractions. they were like every 8 mins. then every 10. then completely irregular. so i went to work that afternoon. at about 5 my contractions started to hurt more. around 6:30 they were every 4-5 mins. so i went home. butttt it was almost halloween. and we hadn't carved pumpkins yet. gasp! so i stopped at the grocery store to get a pumpkin (because the ones we had from the pumpkin farm were rotten). then i had to go to walgreens to get a carving kit. none to be found "my god people! im in labor! find me a damn pumpkin carving kit!" no luck. so i went home. and found a stencil on the internet. matt asked if we could just carve pumpkins tomorrow. i think i responded somewhere along the lines of "no, you fool! we're not going to be here tomorrow! gawd!" so matt and ry carved pumpkins while i paced and made sure i had everything i needed. by now the contractions were pretty painful (have i mentioned yet that i'm a giant baby?). i knew i couldn't stay at home too long because i tested positive for group b strep and needed iv antibiotics during labor. so we took ry to my dad and stepmom's house. we decided on a middle name (evelyn) on the way to the hospital. we were lucky we had picked a first name a few days earlier.
we got to the hospital around 8:30 or 9. now, i'm not going to lie. i figured i would get there and they'd be all "ohhhh look at you. you're already 8 cm (or at least 7)" nope. 3. 3 f-ing cm. i forgot how much labor hurts. plus i'm a big baby. with riley i didn't really go in with any expectations. i got an epidural because, again, labor hurts. this time i told myself i was going to try to do without. at least for as long as possible. an hour later i was asking for an epidural (by asking i mean begging through gritted teeth). i think i was about 5 or 6 cm when i got the epidural. i love when they come to make you sign the forms. "sooo you could get a really bad headache. or have some spinal damage. or you could die" and i'm all "I DON'T CARE. THIS SHIT HURTS. I AM WILLING TO RISK DEATH BECAUSE, WELL, THIS SUCKS". i give sooo much credit to those girls who can give birth naturally. it's just not me. after thanking jesus for the gift of epidurals, i relaxed. my ob was actually on rotation at the hospital that night. good planning, right?
macie was doing wonderfully. good heart rate, movements, etc.
my water partially broke. yes, partially. you will soon understand how i know it wasn't all of it. this time my epidural was wayyyy better. i was still able to move quite a bit. much less whale-like. much less embarrassing.
have i mentioned the super cute resident that was assigned to me? well, he was super cute. everytime he came in, matt would say something like "he's weird". and me, being the sensitive, loving wife that i am, would be all "why? because he's super hot? and looking at my vagina? yea, that does equal weird"
then i made the super cute doctor fall in love with me. this is how it happened. he decided to check to see if i was fully dilated yet. so he went about doing so. then. then. the rest of my water popped and sprayed in his face. does life get any better than that? i think not.
anyway. i started pushing around 2 am. macie was born at 2:36 on 10.30.09. way easier than riley's birth. macie was also only 6lbs 15oz. 21 inches. she decided not to cry when she was born. totally fun for me *not*. her initial apgars were a little low because of tone and lack of crying (she is presently making up for it). they had to give her a little oxygen and she perked up. her second apgars were great. they did watch her a little more closely because of the group b strep.
i think that's about it.
aren't you glad you read that?

Sooo..after lurking for awhile, I finally caved and created my own blog. I figure it will be an outlet for me to maintain my sanity and put my sarcasm in writing for all to read for all of eternity. That's a good thing, no? I also plan on using this as a way to record the children's milestones. I'm pretty much an all-around baby book failure. So maybe this can supplement. Plus, why shouldn't I make my ramblings available to all? It would be selfish to keep them to myself.

Anywho, some background information. My name is Erin. I am a 24 year old, married mother of two. My husband is Matt. My son, Riley, is 3. My daughter, Macie, is 10 weeks old (TODAY. squeee. Because only I care).

I will be entering the last semester of my bachelors in health care administration. I am looking into ways to get my RN license. I am not sure if that will be through an associates degree, or a direct entry masters program. I currently work as a pediatric phlebotomist (drawer of the blood). Who doesn't love me?

And now onto the bane of my existence (well of my existence today): breastmilk. Yes, that is correct. Breastmilk is the bane of my existence. Breastmilk and all that goes along with it. I did not breastfeed Riley. I know, devil mother. Killer of children. Feeder of poison. I pumped for a few weeks. And that was that. I was fine with my decision. With Macie I was determined to breastfeed. DETERMINED I say. In the hospital she didn't latch well. And it hurt. "But it's not supposed to hurt" BUT IT DOES. I want to cry while my daughter eats. How fun is this? But I pushed through. Enter high bilirubin levels, blood draws, bili blankets (rant for another day) and formula. Apparently formula is supposed to bring the levels down. So out I went to sell my soul for a breastpump. Expensive? Yes. Annoying? Yes. Exit first week of life and exit high bilirubin levels. Re-enter pain. Eventually the pain did lessen. Enter inconsolable crying. And not just "oh the baby is crying" but "oh the baby is SCREAMING and I want to scratch my eyes out". Sometimes I felt as though she screamed to mock my attempts to console her. Sometimes I cried with her. Then I realized she hurt. Her stomach hurt. All the time. You know that crazyyyy mom that calls the pediatrician's office all the time? That was me. Like "Ohhh hellllppp meee. My baby is crying." "Yeah lady. Babies do that. {What an idiot. Call Child Protective Services}. So I let it go. Until I realized Baby M was either screaming or sleeping (and wimpering while she slept). So I called again. "My baby hurts." "Ma'am, you're breastfeeding. That shouldn't be happening" "BUT IT ISSSS" "Well breastfeeding doesn't cause discomfort" "Oh. OK. I'll tell that to my baby in 3 hours when she stops crying long enough to eat, only to start screaming like a banshee immediately after" "OK Ma'am. Have a good day" "Sure. All my days are good. If good makes you want to rip your hair out and consider leaving your baby alone in the house so you can just hear yourself think FOR THE LOVE OF GOD". So I did some research. I determined maybe I had an oversupply. I pumped an ounce off before nursing. The only difference was my frustration level. What's more fun than painful nursing and a constantly screaming baby? Painful nursing, a constantly screaming baby AND pumping while your baby screams. I also cut out dairy, "gassy veggies", spicy food, and, well, all food. No difference. Sooo I called again. "Ma'am that's weird. I can't imagine why that would be happening. (Unless you're punching your kid all day)" "BUT IT IS. IT IS HAPPENING". So I went out and bought baby poison aka formula. I'm all for breastfeeding. Really I am. I think I gave it a damn good try. Short piercing my eardrums so I couldn't hear the screaming, I think I tried everything possible. So I did the only other thing I could think of. I gave my baby formula. (judge judge judge). And.....it worked. The very next day my demon was replaced with a baby. A real live baby. One that smiled. And opened its eyes. OHMYGAWD. This is how the other side lives. Macie looked around as if she was seeing everything for the first time. Because she was. For five weeks all she had done was scream. And thrash. And claw. And scream some more. Since then I have been pumping. JOY OF JOYS. Until yesterday. Yesterday I gave her a bottle of half formula, half breastmilk. And...baby in devil form. Coincidence? I think NOT. Booyah stupid nurse from pediatrician's office! Yes, I derive joy from proving others wrong, even if it makes it sound like I am glad my breastmilk makes my baby sick. Point is, I was right and to me, that is what matters. So, in short formula=exorcism.